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In the age of advanced technology, smart phones have gained its popularity. Some people say that smart phones have improved modern life. Others believe that smart phones have caused many problems to people. v.1

In the age of advanced technology, smart phones have gained its popularity. Some people say that smart phones have improved modern life. Others believe that smart phones have caused many problems to people. v. 1
The technological revolution has bought much fame to cell phones. Though, the majority of people refer them as a boon to society, there are people having a contrary view of the troubles caused by the gadgets. Both the views will be discussed in the following paragraph. On one hand, our daily lives have been largely and positively affected by mobiles as they provide facilities in just a fraction of time. People can get access over thousands of operation sitting at one place rather than moving out and wasting much energy and time. Internet combined with e-gadgets have bought all the services directly to our place of convenience and this, has drastically reduced stress as well as the hustle and bustle. A survey found that there is a 10% decrease in movements with the introduction of cell technology. On the other hand, some people are of a view that mobiles have made the new generation lazy and reliant. According to them, gadgets which are in use nowadays have reduced human efficiency largely. Also, it introduced teenagers to obesity, various heart diseases and vision problems. It has been found that there has been a significant rise in the number of patients, especially adults suffering from overweight, weak eyesight, increased cholesterol and many more. Even the use of adult websites have been drastically inclined. Coming to the conclusion, we can say that a justifiable use of technological assets can reduce much of our problems, but their exploitation could end up with worse side effects.
The technological revolution has
bought
much fame to cell phones. Though, the majority of
people
refer them as a boon to society, there are
people
having a contrary view of the troubles caused by the gadgets. Both the views will
be discussed
in the following paragraph.

On one hand, our daily
lives
have been
largely
and
positively
affected
by mobiles as they provide facilities in
just
a fraction of time.
People
can
get
access over thousands of operation sitting at one place
rather
than moving out and wasting much energy and time. Internet combined with e-gadgets have
bought
all the services
directly
to our place of convenience and this, has
drastically
reduced
stress
as well
as the hustle and bustle. A survey found that there is a 10% decrease in movements with the introduction of cell technology.

On the other hand
,
some
people
are of a view that mobiles have made the new generation lazy and reliant. According to them, gadgets which are in
use
nowadays have
reduced
human efficiency
largely
.
Also
, it introduced
teenagers
to obesity, various heart diseases and vision problems. It has
been found
that there has been a significant rise in the number of patients,
especially
adults suffering from overweight, weak eyesight, increased cholesterol and
many
more. Even the
use
of adult websites have been
drastically
inclined.

Coming to the conclusion, we can say that a justifiable
use
of technological assets can
reduce
much of our problems,
but
their exploitation could
end
up with worse side effects.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay In the age of advanced technology, smart phones have gained its popularity. Some people say that smart phones have improved modern life. Others believe that smart phones have caused many problems to people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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