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The government should pay to the parents of very young children, so that one of them can stay at home and look after their children. What do you think are the pros and cons of this policy? Justify your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

The government should pay to the parents of very young children, so that one of them can stay at home and look after their children. What do you think are the pros and cons of this policy? Justify your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
The importance of the role parents play in the life of their children cannot be overemphasized. Some people are of the view that one of the father or mother, with the financial support of the government, should stay at home and take care of the kids. While this is an excellent idea because of the safety of the child, the disadvantages ought to be considered. Having a parent available to grow with the child has a lot of crucial advantages. Humans are generally in their most vulnerable state when they are young. Children are susceptible to all sort of sickness when growing up. For instance, my son used to be a very healthy lad until he started attending a Crèche because his mom had to resume work after her maternity leave. The crèche was unable to make special arrangement for his peculiar needs and allergies. As a result, he always had a flu or an infection every other week. In addition, children absorb a lot in their teenage years and are easily influenced by what they learn from their colleagues at school. If their parents are not available to guide them aright, they might grow up to be hoodlums and drug addicts. However, having a stay at home parent would require a lot of money to finance. Firstly, the compensation that would be paid to them has to be funded one way or another. In most cases, this would be done with tax payers’ money. Therefore, there has to be a compromise somewhere in the government’s finances because these funds could be used for other critical aspects of the economy such as education or health. Also, a huge percentage of the workforce, assuming most of them are married with kids, have to stop work. This would be leave enormous human capital gaps in most companies in the country. Additional, this lead to a drastic reduction in personal income tax revenue for the states. To conclude, although kids have a lot to benefit if one of the parents happen to be around while they are growing up, it would come at huge cost, in terms of funding and revenue lost, to the economy as a whole.
The importance of the role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play in the life of their children cannot
be overemphasized
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that one of the father or mother, with the financial support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, should stay at home and take care of the kids. While this is an excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the safety of the child, the disadvantages ought to
be considered
.

Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
available to grow with the child has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of crucial advantages. Humans are
generally
in their most vulnerable state when they are young. Children are susceptible to all sort of sickness when growing up.
For instance
, my son
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy lad until he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
attending a Crèche
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his mom had to resume work after her maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
. The crèche was unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
special arrangement for his peculiar needs and allergies.
As a result
, he always had a flu or an infection every other week.
In addition
, children absorb a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in their teenage years and are
easily
influenced by what they learn from their colleagues at school. If their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not available to guide them aright, they might grow up to be hoodlums and drug addicts.

However
, having a stay at home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
would require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money to finance.
Firstly
, the compensation that would
be paid
to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be funded
one way or another.
In most cases
, this would
be done
with tax payers’ money.
Therefore
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be a compromise somewhere in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s finances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these funds could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other critical aspects of the economy such as education or health.
Also
, a huge percentage of the workforce, assuming most of them
are married
with kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
work. This would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
enormous human capital gaps in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the country. Additional, this lead to a drastic reduction in personal income tax revenue for the states.

To conclude
, although kids have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to benefit if one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
happen to be around while they are growing up, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at huge cost, in terms of funding and revenue lost, to the economy as a whole.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should pay to the parents of very young children, so that one of them can stay at home and look after their children. What do you think are the pros and cons of this policy? Justify your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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