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Write about the following topic: Some people think that young people should choose their professions themselves. Others believe that their parents should choose for them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

: Some people think that young people should choose their professions themselves. Others believe that their parents should choose for them. v. 2
The future of next industry will be depending on how young generation will be. Children need to know what they want to do before they choose the university or college. Some people believe that the right one to choose young people' s future is their own, but the other thinks that parents need to help them for choosing a suitable place and situation for their entire life. In this essay, I will describe both of the views and gives some real cases. In 20 century, some teens feel that they can choose what they want to do freely. However, I think there are some benefits and disadvantages for finding way for their future. If they can choose the exactly what they want to do based on their own experiences and skills, they can put all the effort to become the champion and successful in the industry. In addition, when they create the decision, they do not know the real situation and the challenges in the job industries. This thing can make young generation feel depressed when they know the exact situation not as great as their imagination. On the other hand, parents can give some advice for them to choose the best and most suitable one. Our father and mother already know the real situation of the industry based on their own experiences and from other people. Both of them can lead and give the best path to do the goals for becoming the most successful ones. Although some of the children would not satisfied with the choices because sometimes parents give the idea is not based on their children' s passion, this can create pressure for the young generation when they on the way to make it. To sum up, I believe both of ways is great for the future. However, I prefer to combine both ways to get the most suitable and best way. The young generation can ask their parents about the real situation and ask their parents opinion about their dreams. By doing this situation parents and give the finest way to catch their children' s dreams without giving any pressure for them.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
will
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be depending
on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation will be.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what they want to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the university or college.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the right one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
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future
is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them for choosing a suitable place and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
for their entire life. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
both of the views and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
cases.

In
Did you mean "20th century"?
20 century
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teens feel that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what they want to do
freely
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and disadvantages for finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. If they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the exactly what they want to do based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they can put all the effort to become the champion and successful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
In addition
, when they create the decision, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and the challenges in the job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. This thing can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation feel depressed when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the exact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
not as great as their imagination.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advice for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the best and most suitable one. Our father and mother already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences and from other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Both of them can lead and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the best path to do the goals for becoming the most successful ones. Although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "satisfy"
satisfied
with the choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is not based on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s passion, this can create pressure for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation when they on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it.

To sum up, I believe both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
is great for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
However
, I prefer to combine both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most suitable and best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation can ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
opinion about their dreams. By doing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the finest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to catch their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s dreams without giving any pressure for them.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : Some people think that young people should choose their professions themselves. Others believe that their parents should choose for them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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