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Some people prefer hobbies that require technology while some people think that hobbies do notvrequire technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people prefer hobbies that require technology while some people think that hobbies do notvrequire technology. v. 2
Yesterday' s fiction has turned into today' s reality it is just because of technology. So, therefore a group of people consider that these days people adopt those hobbies which must technology where other contradicts this view. So this essay shall analyse both the aspects along with my opinion in the upcoming paragraph. According to the first school of thoughts, there are many points which describes that people like technology based hobbies. Firstly, these days most of the multitudes are very busy in their hectic schedule so they do not have enough time for the leisure activities but when they are free from their work they are talking on their cell phone with their near and dear ones and not face to face interactions. Not only this, most of the children are depending on technological gadgets for every sort of work. According to the second school of thoughts, there are some points which did not support the technological hobbies. The prime one is that, when the people are depending on technology too much so it can creat the sedentary lifestyle, so people are becoming lethargic. Therefore, when they have some free time so people should explore their hidden abilities while doing manual works which do not seek technology. Further, youngster should playing outdoor games with their friends instead if playing video games and this can help the children to enhance their overall development and it helps to keep physically and mentally healthy. Furthermore, people should doing those hobbies which help to strong their relationship bonds as well as they become all-rounder. In my opinion, there is no harm to use technology but in real world is far away when people are underlet on technological gadgets so it is true to say that technology is queer thing which brings you gift with one hand and stabs back with another hand. So people should doing that hobbies which help to enrich their creativeness. Overall, after a lot of thoughts and deliberation it is right to say that technology is very beneficial for us but depending on technology in every kind of work that creates the problems in their life. So people should show their hidden abilities by working themself and not taking help from the technology.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yesterday&
#039; s fiction has turned into
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s reality it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
therefore
a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adopt those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
where other contradicts this view.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this essay shall
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the aspects along with my opinion in the upcoming paragraph.

According to the
first
school of thoughts, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
points which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
Firstly
, these days most of the multitudes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy in their hectic schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for the leisure activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they are free from their work they are talking on their cell phone with their near and dear ones and not face to face interactions.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, most of the children
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
on technological gadgets for every sort of work.

According to the second school of thoughts, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points which did not support the technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. The prime one is that, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can
Possible spelling mistake found.
creat
the sedentary lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming lethargic.
Therefore
, when they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should explore their hidden abilities while doing manual works which do not seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Further
, youngster should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "play"
playing
outdoor games with their friends
instead
if playing video games and this can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the children to enhance their
overall
development and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
physically
and mentally healthy.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "do"
doing
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to strong their relationship bonds
as well
as they become all-rounder.

In my opinion, there is no harm to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in real world is far away when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
underlet
on technological gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is true to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is queer thing which brings you gift with one hand and stabs back with another hand.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "do"
doing
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to enrich their creativeness.

Overall
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
thoughts and deliberation it is right to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in every kind of work that creates the problems in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their hidden abilities by working
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
and not taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer hobbies that require technology while some people think that hobbies do notvrequire technology. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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