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In your opinion, should young people choose their professions, or should their parents choose for them? v.1

In your opinion, should young people choose their professions, or should their parents choose for them? v. 1
ANCIENT LANGUAGES ARE AT THE EXTINCT LEVEL. MANY MASS BELIEVE THAT LESS LANGUAGES REDUCE THE BARRIER IN BETWEEN PEOPLE WORLDWIDE. THIS ESSAY WILL CONCUR TO THE ABOVE STATEMENT BECAUSE OF ENORMOUS POSITIVE IMPACTS THAN NEGATIVE WHICH IS MENTIONED BELOW. ON THE ONE HAND. THE MAJOR ADVANTAGE OF THE FEWER LANGUAGES IS THAT IT WILL ALLOW PEOPLE TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY WITH EACHOTHER. TO ILLUSTRATE, WHEN LESS LANGUAGE PRESENT, IT IS POSSIBLE FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW DIVERT CULTURES FROM AROUND THE WORLD. BECAUSE THE COMMON DILECT MAKE THEM EASIER TO UNDERSTAND IN DEPTH. FURTHERMORE, THERE WOULD BE NONE RACISM THAT NUMBER OF MASS FACING TODAY. CONSEQUENTLY, INCREASE THE ECONOMY OF THE NATION BY TOURISM. FOR AN EXAMPLE, UK STUDY HAVE SHOWN THAT WHEN THERE IS ONE COMMON SPEECH, ATTRACT THE MORE PEOPLE TO VISIT THE NATION, HAVE TO EXPLORE THE CULTURE MORE EFFECTIVELY. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE DISADVANTAGE OF THE LESS SPOKEN LANGUAGE IS THAT, IT LEADS TO MIGRATION OF PEOPLE FROM ONE TERRITORY TO OTHER AND THIS AFFECTS THE DEVELOPING COUNTRY IMMENSELY. TO EXPLAIN, PEOPLE WILL TEND TO MOVE TO WEALTHY NATION AS IT IS EFFORTLESS TO LAND THERE. THUS, IT WILL MAKE IMMIGRATION COUNTRY MORE CRAMPED. FOR INSTANCE, IN THE PRESENT SCENARIO, ENGLISH IS BECOMING FRIST ACCENT FOR MANY COUNTRY DUE TO EXPANSION OF BUSINESS INDUSTRIES. OVERALL, LANGUAGES INDEED FUNDAMENTAL REQUIREMENT TO SURVIVE IN THIS MODERN WORLD WHERE INDIVIDUALS HAVE DREAM TO LIVE HIGH-CLASS LIFE. BUT I THINK THE NATIVE LANGUAGE HAS A HISTORY AND DESERVES THE RESPECT. ITS IS BENEFICIAL TO HAVE DECREASED NUMBER OF LANGUAGES BUT ALSO GOVERNMENT AND INDIVIDUALS SHOULD OPT TO TAKE SOME ACTION TO PRESERVE THE MOTHERTOUNGE.
ANCIENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGES
ARE AT THE EXTINCT LEVEL.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
MASS BELIEVE THAT
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun LANGUAGES is countable.
LESS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGES
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
REDUCE
THE BARRIER IN BETWEEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WORLDWIDE. THIS ESSAY WILL CONCUR TO THE ABOVE STATEMENT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF ENORMOUS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
POSITIVE
IMPACTS THAN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
WHICH
IS MENTIONED
BELOW.

ON THE ONE HAND. THE MAJOR ADVANTAGE OF THE FEWER
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LANGUAGES
IS THAT IT WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ALLOW
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TO COMMUNICATE
EFFECTIVELY
WITH
Possible spelling mistake found.
EACHOTHER
. TO ILLUSTRATE, WHEN LESS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGE
PRESENT, IT IS POSSIBLE FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TO KNOW DIVERT CULTURES FROM AROUND THE WORLD.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THE COMMON
Possible spelling mistake found.
DILECT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
THEM EASIER TO UNDERSTAND IN DEPTH.
FURTHERMORE
, THERE WOULD BE NONE RACISM THAT NUMBER OF MASS FACING
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
.
CONSEQUENTLY
, INCREASE THE ECONOMY OF THE NATION BY TOURISM. FOR AN EXAMPLE, UK STUDY HAVE SHOWN THAT WHEN THERE IS ONE COMMON SPEECH, ATTRACT THE MORE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TO VISIT THE NATION,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
EXPLORE THE CULTURE MORE
EFFECTIVELY
.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, THE DISADVANTAGE OF THE LESS SPOKEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGE
IS THAT, IT LEADS TO MIGRATION OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
FROM ONE TERRITORY TO OTHER AND THIS AFFECTS THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
DEVELOPING COUNTRY
IMMENSELY
. TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
EXPLAIN
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WILL TEND TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MOVE
TO WEALTHY NATION AS IT IS EFFORTLESS TO LAND THERE.
THUS
, IT WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
IMMIGRATION COUNTRY MORE CRAMPED.
FOR INSTANCE
, IN THE PRESENT SCENARIO, ENGLISH IS BECOMING
Possible spelling mistake found.
FRIST
ACCENT FOR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
COUNTRY DUE TO EXPANSION OF BUSINESS INDUSTRIES.

OVERALL
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGES
INDEED
FUNDAMENTAL REQUIREMENT TO SURVIVE IN THIS MODERN WORLD WHERE INDIVIDUALS HAVE
Use past participle here: "dreamed", "dreamt".
DREAM
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
HIGH-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CLASS
LIFE.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THE NATIVE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGE
HAS A HISTORY AND DESERVES THE RESPECT. ITS IS BENEFICIAL TO HAVE DECREASED NUMBER OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
ALSO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
AND INDIVIDUALS SHOULD OPT TO TAKE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
ACTION TO PRESERVE THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
MOTHERTOUNGE
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In your opinion, should young people choose their professions, or should their parents choose for them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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