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Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper anymore To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.2

Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper anymore with this opinion v. 2
There are many different ways to acquire information today than in the past. While I accept that online newspapers may have advantages over the printed ones. I believe that there is still a great need of physical newspapers in this modern world. On the one hand, accessing news on the Internet has various benefits in some ways. Firstly, online newspapers keep readers up-to-the-minute in a much faster way than traditional newspapers does. For example, the event of Donald Trump who won the electoral election reach people immediately after the result are public, whereas it can take a few days for the local editors research and publish their news officially. Secondly, the internet provide people with the free, latest information at home without having to buy the printed newspapers at stores. , which allows individuals save money and a great amount of time. On the other hand, I am in favour of the idea that physical newspapers still are irreplaceable due to a couple of reasons. The first one is that they are one of the most credible sources of information. Since everyone can write and post news on the Internet, it can include unreliable information which has not been supervised carefully before releasing. Additionally, online newspapers often negatively affect people’s health. For example, if we spend several hours reading online news every day by using your mobile phone or computer, this could lead to a harmful impact especially in your eyes. Finally, reading news on newspapers traditionally enables people to concentrate on what we are concerning, rather than the online one which can distract them by tons of advertisement. In conclusion, it is true that people nowadays are increasingly utilise many other mediums to get information, it does not mean the significant need of physical newspapers no longer exists.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than in the past.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
may have advantages over the printed ones. I believe that there is
still
a great need of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
in this modern world.

On the one hand, accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the Internet has various benefits in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
readers up-to-the-minute in a much faster way than traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
does.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of Donald Trump who won the electoral election reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immediately after the result are public, whereas it can take a few days for the local editors research and publish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
officially
.
Secondly
, the internet provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the free,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
at home without having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
at stores.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
individuals save money and a great amount of time.

On the other hand
, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
still
are irreplaceable due to a couple of reasons. The
first
one is that they are one of the most credible sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Since everyone can write and post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the Internet, it can include unreliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which has not
been supervised
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
releasing.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
For example
, if we spend several hours reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
every day by using your mobile phone or computer, this could lead to a harmful impact
especially
in your eyes.
Finally
, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
traditionally
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to concentrate on what we
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are concerning
,
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
one which can distract them by tons of advertisement.

In conclusion
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are
increasingly
Consider using a past participle here: "utilised".
utilise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other mediums to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, it does not mean the significant need of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
no longer exists.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper anymore with this opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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