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Write about the following topic: Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

: Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. v. 1
Recently, some persons tend to do the same thing through out their age, saying that it more beneficial to alleviate alters. On the other hand, others believe that we should change what we do regularly. Both points of view will be illustrated in detail. Firstly, as we live in a technological advancement life, most of people would prefer to have a routine life doing the same things. The circumstances which forced by our time, made us to be more stable than before. A recent survey shows that in the period between 1950 and 1990 about 70% of people said that the redundant daily life is better, while 30% support changes in their life. This statistics reversed after 1990 as a result of the advent of technology, so technology has a vital effect on people's attitudes toward things they do. Secondly, people who choose to do various things, found to have a high level in IQ test, which means that the diversity of their activities have led to boost their intelligence. To have a flexible life might help you to gain the necessary skills to be recruited for most of jobs. For example, an article have been published in 2012 states that doing different things would help people to overcome any difficulties may face during career life. Thus, Doing many things would increase not only your intelligence but also your ability to acquire more skills To sum up, all of us have the right to choose their approach in life. Personally, I think changes should be the backbone of our life, in order to make it tasty and enjoyable at the same time.
Recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons tend to do the same thing
Did you mean "throughout"?
through out
their age, saying that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
more beneficial to alleviate alters.
On the other hand
, others believe that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
what we do
regularly
. Both points of view will
be illustrated
in detail.

Firstly
, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a technological advancement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer to have a routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
doing the same things. The circumstances which forced by our time, made us to be more stable than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. A recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in the period between 1950 and 1990 about 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said that the redundant daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is better, while 30% support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you mean "these"?
This
statistics reversed after 1990
as a result
of the advent of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
technology has a vital effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitudes toward things they do.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who choose to do various things, found to have a high level in IQ
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, which means that the diversity of their activities have led to boost their intelligence. To have a flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to gain the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
be recruited
for
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the jobs") or simply say "most jobs".
most of jobs
.
For example
, an article have
been published
in 2012 states that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to overcome any difficulties may face during career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
, Doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things would increase not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
your intelligence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
your ability to acquire more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills


To sum up, all of us have the right to choose their approach in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
should be the backbone of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it tasty and enjoyable at the same time.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay : Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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