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Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they can just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they can just make as much noise as they want. v. 4
It is widely argued by some that the amount of noise produced by people should strictly be under control, while others think that there should be limitations on the amount of noise we produce. Even if I have some sympathy with the former idea, I believe that everyone should make noise if he wants to. To begin with, there are really good reasons why noise should be controlled. First of all it has detrimental effect on people's health in some ways, especially on older ones. That is to say, constant exposure to pitch noise will undoubtedly cause headaches or hearing problems which is likely to dramatically reduce one's health levels. Secondly, it deters individuals from concentrating. For instance, a student preparing for his exams can not focus and immerse in his studies if his neighbours sing too loud. It seems to be unfair in relation with others. On the other hand, as far as I am concerned, producing noise is one type of recreational activities. Many people find it to be enjoyable and relaxing to sing loudly karaoke or cheering for a football club in the stadium. It is wrong to prevent people from having access to relaxation. Moreover, scientists have already invented walls or Windows that can deter noise from getting inside which means that this problem can be tackled without any controls. To conclude, while affecting humans' health, producing noise could be the best way of relieving stress and tiredness. Despite this, in today's world, noise could be easily avoided. Personally, I believe that no restrictions should be imposed on the amount of noise we can produce.
It is
widely
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
produced by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
strictly
be under control, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there should be limitations on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
we produce. Even if I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sympathy with the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I believe that everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
if he wants to.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should
be controlled
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
it has detrimental effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways,
especially
on older ones.
That is
to say, constant exposure to pitch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
will
undoubtedly
cause headaches or hearing problems which is likely to
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
one's health levels.
Secondly
, it deters individuals from concentrating.
For instance
, a student preparing for his exams can not focus and immerse in his studies if his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
sing too loud. It seems to be unfair in relation with others.

On the other hand
, as far as I
am concerned
, producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is one type of recreational activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it to be enjoyable and relaxing to sing
loudly
karaoke or cheering for a football club in the stadium. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from having access to relaxation.
Moreover
, scientists have already invented walls or Windows that can deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from getting inside which means that this problem can
be tackled
without any controls.

To conclude
, while affecting humans' health, producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
could be the best way of relieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tiredness. Despite this, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
could be
easily
avoided.
Personally
, I believe that no restrictions should
be imposed
on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
we can produce.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they can just make as much noise as they want. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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