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The gap between rich and the poor is increasing wide as rich people become richer and poor people grew poor what problem could this situation cause? what are the solution to address those problem? v.1

The gap between rich and the poor is increasing wide as rich people become richer and poor people grew poor what problem could this situation cause? what are the solution to address those problem? v. 1
Difference between wealthy and underprivileged is indeed expanding day by day. This essay will cover two areas: problems of this situation, which consist of not only individuals forced towards crime, but also die from starvation; and its solutions, which include built good schools and colleges and create more jobs. To begin with the problems, one essential problem is middle class and lower level people could die from hunger. These people do not have much opportunity to earn and almost nothing to feed to their families or fulfil their basic needs which causes starvation. Secondly, people can forced to do wrongdoing due to lack of money. People do not have jobs which pay them well and everyone want to earn money. Therefore, sometime people think about shortcuts and do scandal unwillingly. On the flip side, to tackle these problems, the government should provide quality schooling at all levels and places. They can build better schools and universities and provide training to poor people so they can learn and earn well after studies. Another important point is, big corporates should create more jobs so a large number of people can get jobs and earn enough to become rich. For example, Singapore, which was a poor fishing village in the nineteenth century, is the centre of economy in the world after 50 years because they invested in their education system. To conclude, People could die from hunger and move towards crime are the problems because of the gap between rich and them. Although these problems government should provide quality education and create more jobs.
Difference between wealthy and underprivileged is
indeed
expanding day by day. This essay will cover two areas:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of this situation, which consist of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
individuals forced towards crime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from starvation; and its solutions, which include built
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
schools and colleges and create more jobs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, one essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and lower level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from hunger. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have much opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
and almost nothing to feed to their families or fulfil their basic needs which causes starvation.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can forced to do wrongdoing due to lack of money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which pay them well and everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
money.
Therefore
, sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about shortcuts and do scandal
unwillingly
.

On the flip side, to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide quality schooling at all levels and places. They can build better schools and universities and provide training to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can learn and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
well after studies. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
should create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to become rich.
For example
, Singapore, which was a poor fishing village in the nineteenth century, is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of economy in the world after 50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they invested in their education system.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from hunger and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards crime are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the gap between rich and them. Although these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "problems'" or "problem's"?
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide quality education and create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay The gap between rich and the poor is increasing wide as rich people become richer and poor people grew poor what problem could this situation cause? what are the solution to address those problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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