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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars are paid too much money. v. 5
During the last decade, the matter of paying salaries to people regarding the type of job they do has always been a controversy. Although some people stick to the point that famous people as celebrities do not deserve the amount of money they make, under no circumstances would I accept so and believe that the amount of money they receive as their income is their right. To begin with, the prime reason why public figures deserve the amount of money they are paid lies in the fact that celebrities and famous people have the problem of violation of their privacy. More specifically, whenever they appear in public places, as a part of their personal life, people go to them to take autographs or to take photos with them. In addition, paparazzi always follow them in order to take photos of their personal life and personal relations to be later released in public. To cite an example, many scandals have happened in Hollywood in film industry as well as music industry simply because of the photos leaked of the personal lives of film and pop stars. Therefore, the amount of money entertainers make can be a form of compensation for violation of their private lives. Furthermore, I think the reason for high salaries of public entertainers has root in their short professional life span. To be more precise, the number of years such people can work and build up their future life on seems not to be similar to those jobs like teaching or doing some clerical or office jobs continuing for thirty years. Beside this, they might be harmed in a way which is unfixable no matter they are football players, film stars, or singers. For instance, a professional football player might damage a knee cap or break a bone because of which they might not be able to even live their usual life, or even a pop singer might be attacked by the people who do not approve of what they do. Thus, I believe the money they make is a kind of blood money for them as it is not guaranteed for a long time. By way of conclusion, on the basis of the privacy they are deprived of as well as their not long professional life that I mentioned above, once again I reaffirm my idea that it is more than fair for public figures as celebrities to make great amounts of money as their salaries.
During the last decade, the matter of paying salaries to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regarding the type of job they do has always been a controversy. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stick to the point that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as celebrities do not deserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
, under no circumstances would I accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they receive as their income is their right.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the prime reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
figures deserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
are paid
lies in the fact that celebrities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the problem of violation of their privacy. More
specifically
, whenever they appear in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places, as a part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to them to take autographs or to take photos with them.
In addition
, paparazzi always follow them in order to take photos of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
relations to be later released in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. To cite an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scandals have happened in Hollywood in film industry
as well
as music industry
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the photos leaked of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of film and pop stars.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
entertainers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
can be a form of compensation for violation of their private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the reason for high salaries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
entertainers has root in their short professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span. To be more precise, the number of years such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work and build up their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on seems not to be similar to those jobs like teaching or doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clerical or office jobs continuing for thirty years. Beside this, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be harmed
in a way which is unfixable no matter they are football players, film stars, or singers.
For instance
, a professional football player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
damage a knee cap or break a bone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be able to even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their usual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, or even a pop singer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be attacked
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not approve of what they do.
Thus
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
is a kind of blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for them as it is not guaranteed for a long time.

By way of conclusion, on the basis of the privacy they
are deprived
of
as well
as their not long professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that I mentioned above, once again I reaffirm my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
figures as celebrities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as their salaries.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars are paid too much money. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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