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Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. v. 9
Reaching a dominating position among a community would be a major dream for some individuals and they try to achieve this by mastering their profession or by experimenting new challenges. A part of the population argues that risk is important in the life, but the rest of the society plans to spend the life by repeating the same process. On the one hand, the major reason for people opting to do the same thing is that they might be already adapted to their workplaces and they believe that the amount of pay recieved is sufficient to manage their family. Moreover, the competition for jobs has been significantly increased over the past decades due to the increasing population, and a wrong step would lead to the job being handed over to another individual and it would be difficult to obtain it back. In addition, some people naturally lack the courage to take risks and an issue like this is difficult to be understood by other ordinary people as it is related to the psychology of the affected person. In contrast, some members of the community would be keen on facing new challenges as they have a sufficient amount of funds as their backup. To be precise, people having a considerable proportion of savings do not consider about the consequences of taking a risk as the money they have will help them to start a new career. Furthermore, exploring new locations and learning new traditions would be a hobby for some residents and so they shift their workplaces or select a new job on a new location, and by executing these kind of acts they experience a sense of relaxation and reduced depression. For example, a scientific study has revealed that people who are fond of experiencing new aspects of life have a reduced stress level when compared to others. In conclusion, the whole world is filled with individuals representing various customs and behaviours, and the diversity among them has resulted in the varying degree of opinions. Therefore, in my point of view each group of people have their own feeling towards the way of handling life.
Reaching a dominating position among a community would be a major dream for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individuals and
they try to achieve this by mastering their profession or by experimenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges. A part of the population argues that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the rest of the society plans to spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by repeating the same process.

On the one hand, the major reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opting to do the same thing is that they might be already adapted to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workplaces and
they believe that the amount of pay
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieved
is sufficient to manage their family.
Moreover
, the competition for jobs has been
significantly
increased over the past decades due to the increasing population, and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
step would lead to the job
being handed
over to another individual and it would be difficult to obtain it back.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
naturally
lack the courage to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and an issue like this is difficult to
be understood
by other ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it
is related
to the psychology of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
person.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
members of the community would be keen on facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges as they have a sufficient amount of funds as their backup. To be precise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a considerable proportion of savings do not
Did you mean simply "consider the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about the
consequences of taking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
as the money they have will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
career.
Furthermore
, exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
locations and learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
traditions would be a hobby for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
residents and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they shift their workplaces or select a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
location, and by executing
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of acts they experience a sense of relaxation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
depression.
For example
, a scientific study has revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are fond of experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level when compared to others.

In conclusion
, the whole world
is filled
with individuals representing various customs and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, and the diversity among them has resulted in the varying degree of opinions.
Therefore
, in my point of view each group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feeling towards the way of handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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