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Write about the following topic: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent v.2

: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). 2
Children are the tender buds of our society, so we must choose curriculum for them carefully. Many people believe that social works must be incorporated in high school education such as helping youngers, participating in charity work. Undoubtedly, I do accord with this notion, as it helps children in many ways, and I will explain in my further paragraphs. To embark on, every course included in education institute has immense importance in pupil’s life. For instance, science subjects help students to develop their analytical skills, which will be beneficial in their career. Similarly, if community works are included in their syllabus, it would definitely help them in many ways. For instance, teaching younger in any field of their interest, say cricket, will help student to develop their coaching skill that may be crucial in managing projects, because team members of a project regularly need guidance. Furthermore, encouraging youth to participate in charity works like tree plantation will make them aware about the importance of trees in our society. As we all know the scarcity of trees and impact on environment because of deforestation, it would be a good idea if we can make aware our juveniles about the importance of plants, then definitely we can expect a better future. However, charity works should be free or paid jobs for children is a debatable question. I do believe that there is no harm if we pay anything in the form of gifts or awards for charity work, it would certainly motivate young to participate more in the future. Don’t we adult feel happy if we receive benefits for our works? So, why can’t we give reward to a student for his noble work? Moreover, a recognition or rewards make children to feel worthy for their hard work. It is a positive sign for the society, as later when they start earning and get paid for their job, it will help them to understand the value of money. To recapitulate, including social works in high school are beneficial for the society to produce a better citizen. However, students must receive some sort of rewards, not necessarily money, to value their efforts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the tender buds of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose curriculum for them
carefully
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that social works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be incorporated
in high school education such as helping
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Undoubtedly
, I do accord with this notion, as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in my
further
paragraphs.

To embark on, every course included in education institute has immense importance in pupil’s life.
For instance
, science subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop their analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which will be beneficial in their career.
Similarly
, if community works
are included
in their syllabus, it would definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
For instance
, teaching younger in any field of their interest, say cricket, will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to develop their coaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that may be crucial in managing projects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
team members of a project
regularly
need guidance.

Furthermore
, encouraging youth to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
works like tree plantation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware about the importance of trees in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. As we all know the scarcity of trees and impact on environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of deforestation, it would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
if we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
aware our juveniles about the importance of plants, then definitely we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
a better future.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
works should be free or paid jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a debatable question. I do believe that there is no harm if we pay anything in the form of gifts or awards for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it would
certainly
motivate young to participate more in the future. Don’t we adult feel happy if we receive benefits for our works?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, why can’t we give reward to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
for his noble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
?
Moreover
, a recognition or rewards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to feel worthy for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, as later when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid for their job, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to understand the value of money.

To recapitulate, including social works in high school are beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to produce a better citizen.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of rewards, not
necessarily
money, to value their efforts.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay : Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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