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some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 6
It’s argued by few individuals that unpaid facilities to human beings are mandatory at secondary school education (like, working for welfare, betterment for a particular area or training for youngster’s in the physical education). In my opinion I strongly supported the idea that voluntary services must be added in the school level to serving the community. First of all, in last decades, with the impact of growing globalization, it’s noticed significant positive affect in the economy of the world, whereas this increasing population and day by day globe challenges brings negative aspects in the terms of inflation which affected poor nations. Regarding raise the poor nations, a plethora of welfare schemes are introduced to support them. For example, in Africa and South Asia a lot of people are surviving for food, health and education. So, adding these voluntary schemes will be very helpful from childhood to learn in the crucial situation, education is a key tool to bring change to building nations. Also need to start some sort of development programmes which should be monitor by charity but more often non profit based merely more help and support by Government will enough. Secondly, it’s important to look into this before start of social activities in the school level, they need to hire a trained staff in the specific field whether this would be an extra cost on the budget. On the other hand, student must be well prepared mentally to face this situation of extra work load. Moreover, physical activities are also important for the youngsters from school level to grow mentally as well physically, it would be very helpful to give training for fitness point of view, otherwise the children will be more attractive in indoor activities, like use to play games on computer or electronic devices. Consequently, they may lose interest in doing those kinds of sports. In conclusion, I agreed that unpaid community services are mandatory to add in secondary school level to serving better as there are numerous advantages to carrying out community services. Our nation will continue to prosper and flourish if there are more well-educated individual raised.
It’s argued by few individuals that unpaid facilities to human beings are mandatory at secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
(like, working for welfare, betterment for a particular area or training for youngster’s in the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education)
. In my opinion I
strongly
supported the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that voluntary services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
to serving the community.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in last decades, with the impact of growing globalization, it’s noticed significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
affect in the economy of the world, whereas this increasing population and day by day globe challenges brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects in the terms of inflation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Regarding raise the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, a plethora of welfare schemes
are introduced
to support them.
For example
, in Africa and South Asia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are surviving for food, health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, adding these voluntary schemes will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful from childhood to learn in the crucial situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a key tool to bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Also
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of development
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
which should be
Did you mean "monitored"?
monitor
by charity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
non profit
based
merely
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Secondly
, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to look into this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of social activities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
, they need to hire a trained staff in the specific field whether this would be an extra cost on the budget.
On the other hand
, student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
mentally to face this situation of extra work load.
Moreover
, physical activities are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the youngsters from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
to grow mentally
as well
physically
, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to give training for fitness point of view,
otherwise
the children will be more attractive in indoor activities, like
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
play games on computer or electronic devices.
Consequently
, they may lose interest in doing those kinds of sports.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that unpaid community services are mandatory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
to serving better as there are numerous advantages to carrying out community services. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will continue to prosper and flourish if there are more well-educated
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "individuals"?
individual
raised.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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