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The nuclear family is well adapted to move geographically due to its size Do you think children benefit in any way from moving Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v.2

The nuclear family is well adapted to move geographically due to its size Do you think children benefit in any way from moving Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
There is a widely held perception in many parts of the world today that the elementary family is adaptable to migrate overseas as it consists of small family units. While frequently relocate to other places can benefit children, I believe that it is overshadowed by the drawbacks. There are various reasons why the usual change of living places may have positive impacts on children. Firstly, it is widely believed that children can develop their social skills due to the frequent shift to new nations. This means, during the process of getting familiar with the surroundings many children can build up relationships with new friends, therefore, they can learn and enhance some valuable skills that are useful for their future. A case in point is my aunt, whose family usually move geographically, claimed that her children were becoming more mature and independent. Secondly, switching to new regions oftenly, children may have opportunities to learn in better educational programs, which can contribute to well-paid jobs in the future. On the other hand, some negative aspects of moving abroad should also be taken into consideration. Firstly, some children, especially those who are introverts, may struggle to make friends and communicate with strangers. This means, it is difficult for them to adapt to new environments and sometimes encounter serious schools’ problems like discrimination or violence, which results in the deterioration of their mental and physical health. Secondly, children may lose concentration on their studies since they have to spend their precious time on building up relationship with their new people. Consequently, their academic record may be negatively influenced. To conclude, although the young generation may benefit from the frequent change of living places, I believe that the drawbacks still outweigh the advantages.
There is a
widely
held perception in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
that the elementary family is adaptable to migrate overseas as it consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
family units. While
frequently
relocate to other places can benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe that it
is overshadowed
by the drawbacks.

There are various reasons why the usual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of living places may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, it is
widely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
due to the frequent shift to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
nations. This means, during the process of getting familiar with the surroundings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can build up relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends,
therefore
, they can learn and enhance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are useful for their future. A case in point is my aunt, whose family
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
geographically
, claimed that her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were becoming more mature and independent.
Secondly
, switching to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
regions
Possible spelling mistake found.
oftenly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may have opportunities to learn in better educational programs, which can contribute to well-paid jobs in the future.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of moving abroad should
also
be taken
into consideration.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
those who are introverts, may struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and communicate with strangers. This means, it is difficult for them to adapt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
encounter serious schools’ problems like discrimination or violence, which results in the deterioration of their mental and physical health.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may lose concentration on their studies since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their precious time on building up relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Consequently
, their academic record may be
negatively
influenced.

To conclude
, although the young generation may benefit from the frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of living places, I believe that the drawbacks
still
outweigh the advantages.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The nuclear family is well adapted to move geographically due to its size Do you think children benefit in any way from moving Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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