Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

To what extent do you agree with the following statement? Popular events like the Football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tension and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. v.1

Popular events like the Football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tension and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. v. 1
Because of economic disparity, the relationships among nations are full of tensions. Many people believe that international tensions can be eased by organizing events like football world cups, Olympics and so on. I do accord with this notion that cross-border events reduce political tensions, and enhance the respect among citizens of different countries. To embark on, sports are the events that always bind people. For instance, in our schooling days, we make plethora of friends in our society, while playing game with each other. Similarly, if games are organised between two nations, citizens of both countries will be able to exchange their thoughts. To illustrate, India and Pakistan had a heinous relationship since independence i. e. since 1947; many battles were fought to resolve their disputes. However, in 2000, both countries decided to have peaceful talk to resolve their differences and a bilateral cricket tournament was organised. Since then, both countries able to maintain peaceful relationship; people of both countries understand each other, and respect each other’s values and culture. Furthermore, in international events, emotion of patriotism is always at the peak. Although only players are involved in a game, whole nation is standing behind them. A good gesture among players will lead to a harmonious relationship among nations. For example, political relationships between South Korea and North Korea is not at all healthy; both countries are ready to fight each other. But, when an injured player was helped by South Korean player in a football match, it melted heart of fans of both countries. To recapitulate, to ease political tension and to develop respect of each other’s culture, values and patriotism, organizing international events such as football world cups are one of the best way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of economic disparity, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tensions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tensions
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
by organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like football world cups, Olympics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. I do accord with this notion that cross-border
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tensions
, and enhance the respect among citizens of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.

To embark on, sports are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that always bind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, in our schooling days, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plethora of friends in our society, while playing game with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Similarly
, if games are
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organise' and 'organize') within a single text.
organised
between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, citizens of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will be able to exchange their thoughts. To illustrate, India and Pakistan had a heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
since independence
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
since 1947;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
battles
were fought
to resolve their disputes.
However
, in 2000, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
decided to have peaceful talk to resolve their differences and a bilateral cricket tournament was
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organise' and 'organize') within a single text.
organised
. Since then, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
able to maintain peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
understand each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, and respect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
values and culture.

Furthermore
, in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, emotion of patriotism is always at the peak. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are involved
in a game, whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is standing behind them. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
gesture among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
will lead to a harmonious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For example
, political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between South Korea and North Korea is not at all healthy; both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are ready to fight each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, when an injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by South Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
in a football match, it melted heart of fans of both countries.

To recapitulate, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tension
and to develop respect of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
culture, values and patriotism, organizing international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as football world cups are one of the best way.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Popular events like the Football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tension and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts