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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 9
In the contemporary world, it is common belief that participate in an unpaid community service program would be mandatory for greater outcomes in many aspects of humanity. Although, it is important to some parents would not agree to this because, they do not want their children to go out and clean the city at their younger age, personally, I strongly believe that parents should encourage their children to do free community work for a society. In the following essay, I will discuss this issue using some example to support my views and demonstrates points. However, the unpaid community service should compulsory to high school programmes have their own positive and negative sides and in following essay we will discuss them in detail. First of all, convincing argument can be that helping society with unpaid community service is a good initiate to have a brighter future. To begin with, children should have taught to collect a donation for physically disabled people without any personal profit. In other words, if children learn to donate money for a good cause at school level, then it would be good help for the people who are handicapped; therefore, the same message they convey to their parents or friends and so that they will do the same. The second reason for my belief is that improving the neighbourhood. For instance, children should have taught to clean their society by keeping the garbage in the garbage bag, do not throw the garbage outside in a public place; as a result, there would be lesser disease and healthier life that would be beneficial for them. Additionally, teach sports to younger children is a good way to help each other who do not know how to play that any particular sport. For example, sometimes younger people feels hard to play some sports, but if they get a guidance from any other who is good at this, then that would be helpful for them. If these scenarios have merit, then conclusion drawn in the original argument is significantly strengthened. On the other hand, some arguments can be made that teaching school children collect money for a donation would result harmful. The main reason for this is if one child collects more money than other then they might feel sad while other might make misuse of money they collected. However, closer examination would reveal that if the collection of money by children is monitored by their parent or teacher then there would be less or almost no chance of misuse of money. Apart from this, further analysis would make it clear that collecting money for a good cause is always a good step toward strong humanity. To sum up, although there are some benefits of not having compulsion to unpaid community service at high school programme, the advantages of having a compulsion to do unpaid community work surely outweigh its disadvantage. Having considered all the arguments above, I would concede that teaching children at school level for helping others for free would always be a good habit.
In the contemporary world, it is common belief that participate in an unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
program would be mandatory for greater outcomes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of humanity. Although, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they do not want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go out and clean the city at their younger age,
personally
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work for a society. In the following essay, I will discuss this issue using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
example to support my views and demonstrates points.
However
, the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
should compulsory to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides and in following essay we will discuss them in detail.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, convincing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
can be that helping society with unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
initiate to have a brighter future. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have taught to collect a donation for
physically
disabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without any personal profit. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
cause at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level, then it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are handicapped
;
therefore
, the same message they convey to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or friends and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will do the same. The second reason for my belief is that improving the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have taught to clean their society by keeping the garbage in the garbage bag, do not throw the garbage outside in a public place;
as a result
, there would be lesser disease and healthier life that would be beneficial for them.
Additionally
, teach sports to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
who do not know how to play that any particular sport.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
feels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a guidance from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at this, then that would be helpful for them. If these scenarios have merit, then conclusion drawn in the original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is
significantly
strengthened.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
can
be made
that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a donation would result harmful. The main reason for this is if one child collects more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
Did you mean "other than"?
other then
they might feel sad while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
misuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they collected.
However
, closer examination would reveal that if the collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is monitored
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
or teacher then there would be less or almost no chance of misuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Apart from this,
further
analysis would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
cause is always a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
step toward strong humanity.

To sum up, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of not having compulsion to unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
at high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, the advantages of having a compulsion to do unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work
surely
outweigh its disadvantage. Having considered all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
above, I would concede that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level for helping others for free would always be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
habit.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
506 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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