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Write about the following topic: Discuss the advantages and disadvantages o f high school students having part-timejobs. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ownknowledge or experience. v.2

: Discuss the advantages and disadvantages o f high school students having part-timejobs. v. 2
Today, inflation has become a severe problem. For a middle-class family, monetary support is necessary. Here, part-time jobs can come out to be a beneficial job for students. It can help them to earn and spare money for their pocket money or tuition fees. For a salaried person, living below poverty line, it is very difficult to feed each and every family member in a healthy manner. Students doing part time jobs can become a helping hand for their family members. These jobs are advantageous for small age students in various manners like it can help children to make savings in their younger ages which will definitely help them in the future. In younger age, enjoyment is also necessary like going on vacations etc. While having sufficient money, it would be easy for them to enjoy their vacations as well. In addition to this, the job will help them in becoming more responsible. While having a thought of keeping a certain amount separately for savings, a student can learn the way of spending money in a logical manner. Using their money in household activities will also help them in understanding their responsibilities towards their family members. However, money in early age can be disadvantageous too. Teenage is the age when maximum attention is required. If they have money and do not know the way of spending it then they can indulge in anti-social activities like having drugs etc. In teenage, misanthropic activities always lure towards themselves which can lead to dreadful life. To conclude, learning professionalism in teenage can be beneficial. But, money as an output, can become an aid or an impediment at the same time because money is a good servant but a bad master.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, inflation has become a severe problem. For a middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, monetary support is necessary. Here, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out to be a beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to earn and spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or tuition fees.

For a salaried person, living below poverty line, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to feed each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member
Consider replacing "in a healthy manner" with the adverb for "healthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a healthy manner
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
doing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can become a helping hand for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are advantageous for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in various manners like it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
savings in their younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
which will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in the future. In younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, enjoyment is
also
necessary like going on vacations etc. While having sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it would be easy for them to enjoy their vacations
as well
.

In addition
to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in becoming more responsible. While having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of keeping a certain amount
separately
for savings, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can learn the way of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Consider replacing "in a logical manner" with the adverb for "logical"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a logical manner
. Using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in household activities will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in understanding their responsibilities towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can be disadvantageous too. Teenage is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when maximum attention
is required
. If they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and do not know the way of spending it then they can indulge in anti-social activities like having drugs etc. In teenage, misanthropic activities always lure towards themselves which can lead to dreadful life.

To conclude
, learning professionalism in teenage can be beneficial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as an output, can become an aid or an impediment at the same time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
servant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
master.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay : Discuss the advantages and disadvantages o f high school students having part-timejobs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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