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Write about the following topic: All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? Use specific reason and example to explain to your answers. You should write at least 250 words. v.1

: All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? Use specific reason and example to explain to your answers. v. 1
I think it is completely true and we can immediately decide on these problematic situations. If this continues to more timing, it will be more to different rich and poor countries. I have 2 reasons to be about that. The first one is to be a fair competition. Every day, every country is developing gradually and more. New technologies appear more quickly in the 21st century. Powerful countries have new technologies more than poor countries and for implementing all kinds of big projects have chosen the best one for the competition from other companies and countries. Unfortunately, most of the big projects had chosen for rich countries because of new technologies and more experiences. This situation gives a chance to develop more in other countries. I think we should change to this system for developing poor countries. Another one is to be a market place. If you notice, the population directly depends on country developer. On the other hand, it means your country's population is large, it may be a more developed country. Because more population has a more market like China, India, etc. For example, so many production factories want to sell countries that have more population. As like this, you have a production to want to sell, you want to go to more market countries. Even though, poor countries should increase to new factories. Country of manufacture is easy to develop to sell other countries to their production. Maybe those countries can save more time to develop. Also, we should be more educated. It is so important to a condition in my view. Because, you have a high ability as creating new apps, technologies, etc. , you can sell your programs to the world market via the internet. And then, I think that countries should increase to the research centre. Powerful research centres can appear more quickly new things as a vaccine, things what we need. Increasing the population is a too difficult process in our generation for developing poor countries. That’s why, when we increase to research centres, factories, and education, we can compete with rich countries. I want to say one sentence is “the education is the most powerful weapon to change in the world”.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is completely
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
true and
we can immediately decide on these problematic situations. If this continues to more timing, it will be more to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I have 2 reasons to be about that. The
first
one is to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
competition. Every day, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is developing
gradually
and more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
appear more
quickly
in the 21st century. Powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and for implementing all kinds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
projects have chosen the best one for the competition from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Unfortunately, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
projects had chosen for rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and more experiences. This situation gives a chance to develop more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to this system for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
countries.

Another one is to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
place. If you notice, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
directly
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
developer. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it means your country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is large, it may be a more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
like China, India, etc.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
production factories
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. As like this, you have a production to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
, you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to go to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
countries.

Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should increase to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
factories.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
of manufacture is easy to develop to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to their production. Maybe those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can save more time to develop.
Also
, we should be more educated. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to a condition in my view.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, you have a high ability as creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
apps,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
your programs to the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
via the internet. And then, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should increase to the research
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. Powerful research
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can appear more
quickly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things as a vaccine, things what we need. Increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is a too difficult process in our generation for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. That’s why, when we increase to research
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, factories, and education, we can compete with rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to say one sentence is “the education is the most powerful weapon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the world”.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay : All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? Use specific reason and example to explain to your answers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
369 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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