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Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? v.4

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? v. 4
Some companies of today hiring that employees who are hungry for cash by which firms think that these employees will do their task dedicately. But according to me, money is not only the driving force behind hard work which I will discuss in further paragraphs. To initiate with, Money is a that thing which pushes some peoples to do the hard work because everybody need money to survive in this modern era. But money is not only one thing due to which people will do hardships and companies have no need to recruit people because of reason of money. For example, Many persons in this world are doing hard work and also their wages are very low from which it is clear that they are not doing endeavour for only payment. In addition to it, If companies are hiring persons by giving them more wages and hope that they will do their work with full dedication then there is no warranty that they will do their job with loyalty. Because these kind of people first priority is money not the firm due to which there are chances that if anybody offering them money to do illegal work then they would ready for it because of which company reputation will come into danger. So, there is no need to hire people only because of the money factor to dedicate. To conclude, the hardware does not depend upon money. It depends on person dedication and loyalty. So, the company needs to recruit that persons who are well educated and hard workers.
Some
companies
of
today
hiring that employees who are hungry for cash by which firms
think
that these employees will do their task
dedicately
.
But
according to me,
money
is not
only
the driving force behind
hard
work
which I will discuss in
further
paragraphs.

To initiate with,
Money
is a that thing which pushes
some
peoples
to do the
hard
work
because
everybody
need
money
to survive in this modern era.
But
money
is not
only
one thing due to which
people
will do hardships and
companies
have no
need
to recruit
people
because
of reason of
money
.
For example
,
Many
persons
in this world are doing
hard
work
and
also
their wages are
very
low from which it is
clear
that they are not doing
endeavour
for
only
payment.

In addition
to it, If
companies
are hiring
persons
by giving them more wages and hope that they will do their
work
with full dedication then there is no warranty that they will do their job with loyalty.
Because
these kind
of
people
first
priority is
money
not the firm due to which there are chances that if anybody
offering
them
money
to do illegal
work
then they would ready for it
because
of which
company
reputation will
come
into
danger
.
So
, there is no
need
to hire
people
only
because
of the
money
factor to dedicate.

To conclude
, the hardware does not depend upon
money
. It depends on
person
dedication and loyalty.
So
, the
company
needs
to recruit that
persons
who are
well educated
and
hard
workers.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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