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All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? v.1

All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? v. 1
The latest statistics show that the rich are increasing their wealth while the poor are becoming more numerous and more desperate. This causes manifold problems for individuals and society as a whole and, although the solutions may seem straightforward, they are not easy to implement. An imbalance in the spread of wealth in society results in a crippling cycle of poverty for many residents. The problems are diverse but interrelated. Crime is a major effect of poverty, especially violent crime and property-related crime. Alcohol and substance abuse, although self-destructive, are seen as ways of coping with poverty. Some poor people are forced to take jobs with unsafe or hazardous working conditions. In some cases, children must work to help support the family. In addition, inferior housing and living conditions for the impoverished are common causes of ill-health and disease; waterborne and food-related diseases are rife amongst the destitute. The effect of poverty on society is destabilising. It is the chief cause of social tension leading to riots and conflict, occasionally resulting in governments being brought down, as happened in the so-called Arab Spring. Children brought up in poverty develop antisocial and aggressive behaviour. There have been high-profile court cases in my country where underprivileged young teenagers have been found guilty of murder because they have killed someone in the course of an armed robbery. The solutions to poverty are simple but challenging. Governments could impose more taxes on the affluent. Unfortunately, it is often the moneyed sector that keeps the government in power and corrupt officials are amongst the prosperous. There should be absolute transparency in government spending and governments must give priority to projects to help the poor. Above all, they should have access to education, training and employment programmes, a living wage, decent housing, sanitation and health care. Breaking the poverty cycle and redressing the imbalance of wealth and resources with good governance will take time, but it will eventually eliminate some of the problems of crime, violence, sickness and addiction that plague the underclass
The latest statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the rich are increasing their wealth while the poor are becoming more numerous and more desperate. This causes manifold problems for individuals and society as a whole and, although the solutions may seem straightforward, they are not easy to implement.

An imbalance in the spread of wealth in society results in a crippling cycle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residents. The problems are diverse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
interrelated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is a major effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
,
especially
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and property-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Alcohol and substance abuse, although self-destructive, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as ways of coping with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forced
to take jobs with unsafe or hazardous working conditions. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
support the family.
In addition
, inferior housing and living conditions for the impoverished are common causes of ill-health and disease; waterborne and food-related diseases are rife amongst the destitute.

The effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
on society is
Possible spelling mistake. 'destabilising' is British English.
destabilising
. It is the chief cause of social tension leading to riots and conflict,
occasionally
resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
being brought
down, as happened in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called Arab Spring. Children brought up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
develop antisocial and aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. There have been high-profile court cases in my country where underprivileged young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have
been found
guilty of murder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have killed someone in the course of an armed robbery.

The solutions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
are simple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
challenging.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
could impose more taxes on the affluent. Unfortunately, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the moneyed sector that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in power and corrupt officials are amongst the prosperous. There should be absolute transparency in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give priority to projects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor.
Above all
, they should have access to education, training and employment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, a living wage, decent housing, sanitation and health care.

Breaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
cycle and redressing the imbalance of wealth and resources with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
governance will take time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
eventually
eliminate
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, violence, sickness and addiction that plague the underclass
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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