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Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? v.37

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 37
Computer these days is one of the major technology that each person should have at his home or work. Computer for some people can have negative impacts more than positive on children. That' s why several people agree and disagree with this point of view. On one hand, computer for children is a waste of time and will cause health problems for some. Spending hours on the computer will effect on the children' s study at school and won' t concentrate anymore in class or listen to the explanations. Second, it will cause health problems, where it will harm their eyes and lead to wear eye glasses at early age, it will increase the level of stress if they are playing video games that need concentration. For example, studies show that kids must not use the computer more than 1 hour per day, since it will damage their eyes and lead to miss-communication between one family. In my opinion, I agree that computer will cause negative impacts and is a waste of time, where children can enjoy other activities rather than sitting in-front of the screen. On the other hand, computer is the technology that we must follow and stay up to date with; some think that it have positive effects. Kids must know and learn everything especially at this century where everything is connected to computers and technology. For some people, if a children know how to use a computer, he is a smart and genius kid. Second, some parents prefer their children to stay home and play video games or browse the internet, instead of hanging out and pay money, in this way they can feel safe that he' s still with them at home. For example, my friend parents brought for him a computer when he was 7 years old, to stay at home and stop nagging on them, where they will have more free time to go out alone. From my side, I disagree with this point and I believe that parents should spend more time with their children and make them feel that they are loved. As a conclusion, people have different views at this point, some agree that computer will have negative effect and others disagree. In my opinion, I believe that computer is a must at home, but for working purpose, where kids can enjoy their free time playing with friends, doing sport activities or spending time with their parents.
Computer these days is one of the major technology that each person should have at his home or work. Computer for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s why several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and disagree with this point of view.

On one hand, computer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and will cause health problems for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. Spending hours on the computer will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s study at school and
Possible spelling mistake found.
won&
#039; t concentrate
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or listen to the explanations. Second, it will cause health problems, where it will harm their eyes and lead to wear eye glasses at early age, it will increase the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
if they are playing video games that need concentration.
For example
, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer more than 1 hour per day, since it will damage their eyes and lead to miss-communication between one family. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that computer will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts and is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enjoy other activities
rather
than sitting in-front of the screen.

On the other hand
, computer is the technology that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow and stay up to date with;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know and learn everything
especially
at this century where everything
is connected
to computers and technology. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer, he is a smart and genius
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prefer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay home and play video games or browse the internet,
instead
of hanging out and pay money, in this way they can feel safe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
he&
#039; s
still
with them at home.
For example
, my friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
brought for him a computer when he was 7 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, to stay at home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
nagging on them, where they will have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go out alone. From my side, I disagree with this point and I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
.

As a conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views at this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that computer will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
disagree. In my opinion, I believe that computer is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for working purpose, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can enjoy their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing with friends, doing sport activities or spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 37

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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