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Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? v.21

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 21
The advancement of technology and science has revolutionised our lives significantly in recent years. It is said that the working environment and types of work available to humankind will not be the same in the future as an increasing number of jobs are getting replaced by robots and artificial intelligence. This essay will discuss the causes of this phenomenon before providing the way to accommodate anticipated changes in the workplace. The increasing number of jobs which do not involve complex tasks and human intelligence are being replaced by computerised machines due to time and cost effectiveness. For instance, many Australian supermarkets have introduced automated paying stations, which do not involve human workforces. This system can operate around the clock, and it does not require breaks or holidays unlike human labours. Moreover, the system maintenance fee is much cheaper than hiring, training, and keeping the human workforce; therefore, supermarket companies can save money and time by using such machines. People should prepare for these changes by equipping necessary knowledge and skills as most of simple tasks will be carried out by machines and robots in the future. First of all, schools should educate children and young people about expected changes in the working situation and make them prepared for it. In fact, current school curriculums started including subjects such as computer programming and computer science. This is beneficial for future workforces, provided that the majority jobs will be related to handling computers, while fewer physical labours are available to humankind. In conclusion, the types of work available to human beings will be changed considerably owing to the introduction of artificial intelligence and robots in the workforce, aiming for the time and cost reduction. People should prepare for this change by obtaining relevant computer skills and knowledge through school education which reflects the ever-changing working situation.
The advancement of technology and science has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
significantly
in recent years. It
is said
that the working environment and types of work available to humankind will not be the same in the future as an increasing number of jobs are getting replaced by robots and artificial intelligence. This essay will discuss the causes of this phenomenon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
providing the way to accommodate anticipated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in the workplace.

The increasing number of jobs which do not involve complex tasks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
intelligence are
being replaced
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
machines due to time and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cost effectiveness
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Australian supermarkets have introduced automated paying stations, which do not involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
. This system can operate around the clock, and it does not require breaks or holidays unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
.
Moreover
, the system maintenance fee is much cheaper than hiring, training, and keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
;
therefore
, supermarket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can save money and time by using such machines.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should prepare for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
by equipping necessary knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as most of simple tasks will
be carried
out by machines and robots in the future.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, schools should educate children and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in the working situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them prepared for it. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
school curriculums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
including subjects such as computer programming and computer science. This is beneficial for future
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
, provided that the majority jobs will
be related
to handling computers, while fewer physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
are available to humankind.

In conclusion
, the types of work available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
considerably
owing to the introduction of artificial intelligence and robots in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
, aiming for the time and cost reduction.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should prepare for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
by obtaining relevant computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge through school education which reflects the ever-changing working situation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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