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Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 2
Professional athletes are capable of earning an enormous income rather than other absolutely pivotal occupations. In accordance with this statement, several individuals reckon that they deserved to obtain it, nevertheless, others think that it is unfair. Regarding this argument, this essay will explain both points of view and also put forward my perspective in the following paragraphs. To begin with, numerous people believe that all professional athletes are supposed to be well-paid as they have to do various efforts to make the country which they represented proud. They tend to consider that it is caused by various reasons. all those athletes, first and foremost, have to train hard in order to bestow their best performance on the competition. Second but not less crucial, it is apparent the impact which they are going to produce will benefit the nation which they represented. For instance, if these athletes are able to win from the competition, it will confer a positive impact to the image of the state which they represented. Therefore, I tend to support this assumption due to the fact that the impacts which they are going to produce is fruitful for the nation. Nevertheless, other persons assume that it is unfair since other vocations also render a positive influence to all aspects of the county. Moreover, they reckon that the scheme of rendering an immense income to the athlete is supposed to be deleted in order to create a fair intake for all individuals. By way of conclusion, it seems to me that the enormous payment for athlete is necessary to be done in order to appreciate their endeavour. Thus, I tend to think that other people who opposed the payment for the athlete should accept the income of athletes.
Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are capable of earning an enormous income
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
absolutely
pivotal occupations. In accordance with this statement, several individuals reckon that they deserved to obtain it,
nevertheless
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is unfair. Regarding this argument, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both points of view and
also
put forward my perspective in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that all professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are supposed
to be well-paid as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do various efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country which they represented proud. They tend to consider that it
is caused
by various reasons.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
all
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
,
first
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
train
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to bestow their best performance on the competition. Second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not less crucial, it is apparent the impact which they are going to produce will benefit the nation which they represented.
For instance
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are able to win from the competition, it will confer a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact to the image of the state which they represented.
Therefore
, I tend to support this assumption due to the fact that the impacts which they are going to produce is fruitful for the nation.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
persons assume that it is unfair since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vocations
also
render a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence to all aspects of the county.
Moreover
, they reckon that the scheme of rendering an immense income to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
is supposed
to
be deleted
in order to create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
intake for all individuals.

By way of conclusion, it seems to me that the enormous payment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
is necessary to
be done
in order to appreciate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
.
Thus
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who opposed the payment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
should accept the income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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