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Some experts believe that it is better for children to start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some experts believe that it is better for children to start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
In today’s World, also known as global village, civilizations have merged together and growing trend of multiculturalism has urged the need to have command over various foreign languages. Some linguistics experts think that kids should start being taught a second language as early as primary school instead of secondary school. I believe that there are more pros than cons as far as this very notion is concerned. First of all, the experts who believe that a second language should be taught to the kids at very young age, support their argument by the research, showing that young children have better ability to learn any new language as compared to the elders. For instance, if we ponder about children around us, how did they learn the language their parents and siblings spoke around them? Nobody made any effort to make them learn their mother tongue while on the contrary, when adults decide to learn a new language they really have to make a huge effort and it takes years and years to adopt the accent. Hence it can be concluded that it requires less effort to teach a secondary language to students of young ages compared to the elder ages. Moreover, people really feel that young children have the luxury at their hand of not being worried about their grades and they can focus on learning a new language. Let’s take an example of a student of 10th who has his admission at stake. If he scores well enough, he will get enrolled in the college and course of his choice otherwise he would be forced to study a course against his will. Such students cannot afford to lose their focus from their studies to concentrate on adopting a new language. On the other hand, where there are pros there are some cons as well of learning a different language at very young age. Young students at primary school, enrolled in a foreign language have to rely heavily on their teacher since they have limited excess and sensibility of the internet. Since, learning a new language requires lots of practice and if, this practice is done with the native speakers, that brings more fruitful results. At very young age, children cannot be allowed to be friends with strangers on the internet to practice their language skills, limiting their chances to improve. To recapitulate, keeping all the aforementioned arguments, we can reach the logical conclusion that there are not many known disadvantages of learning a new language at young age so, advantages clearly outweigh the disadvantages in the very notion.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s World,
also
known as global village, civilizations have merged together and growing trend of multiculturalism has urged the need to have command over various foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
linguistics experts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that kids should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
being taught
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as early as primary school
instead
of secondary school. I believe that there are more pros than cons as far as this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
notion
is concerned
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the experts who believe that a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
be taught
to the kids at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, support their argument by the research, showing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have better ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as compared to the elders.
For instance
, if we ponder about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around us, how did they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
their parents and siblings spoke around them? Nobody made any effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
their mother tongue while
on the contrary
, when adults decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
they
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge effort and it takes years and years to adopt the accent.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it can
be concluded
that it requires less effort to teach a secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
compared to the elder ages.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
really
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the luxury at their hand of not
being worried
about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grades and
they can focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s take an example of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
of 10th who has his admission at stake. If he scores well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enrolled in the college and course of his choice
otherwise
he would
be forced
to study a course against his will. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot afford to lose their focus from their studies to concentrate on adopting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
language.

On the other hand
, where there are pros there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons
as well
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at primary school, enrolled in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely
heavily
on their teacher since they have limited excess and sensibility of the internet. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
requires lots of practice and if, this practice
is done
with the native speakers, that brings more fruitful results. At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be friends with strangers on the internet to practice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, limiting their chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.

To recapitulate, keeping all the aforementioned arguments, we can reach the logical conclusion that there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
known disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, advantages
clearly
outweigh the disadvantages in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
notion.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
428 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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