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Write about the following topic. It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and includ v.33

It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. with this? 33
The gifts are giving is one type of trend in the recent era and people are spending enormous money for buying a gift. Many may say, some time money is wasted on the gift, which do not require to receiver. To me, I partially agree with this phenomenon for many worthwhile reasons, as described in this essay. At the onset, people are giving many gifts and some gifts are useless for us; therefore, that is wasted money. For example, I was received a huge gifts, which all were expensive, on my birthday from my friends and family members, but two-three gifts were the same, which was not required to me. Therefore, that is wasted money. In addition, a few people are giving the decorative gifts like showpiece and personalised (Wooden name plate and tile). These all gifts are inessential. Because people are not putting anything on wall in the house in recent trends. On the other hand person gives the gift to their relative for improving their relationships. We can achieved money easily, but we cannot achieved relationship easily. For example, my friend had a watch, but his girlfriend gave another watch on his birthday; therefore, they became a very close between together compared to the past. In this case, relationship are more important rather than money. In conclusion, some time gift is an essential part in human life, while, some time it is an inessential. To me, I agree approximately 60% with giving a gift is one type of waste money on things, which do not like and want to the receiver.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
is one type of trend in the recent era and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
.
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
Many may
say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is wasted
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
, which do not require to receiver. To me, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this phenomenon for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
worthwhile reasons, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in this essay.

At the onset,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are useless for us;
therefore
, that
is wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, I
was received
a huge
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "gift"?
gifts
, which all were expensive, on my birthday from my friends and family members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
two-three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
were the same, which was not required to me.
Therefore
, that
is wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In addition
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
the decorative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
like showpiece and
Possible spelling mistake. 'personalised' is British English.
personalised
(Wooden name plate and tile). These all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are inessential.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not putting anything on wall in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in recent trends.

On the other hand
person gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
to their relative for improving their relationships. We can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "achieve"
achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "achieve"
achieved
relationship
easily
.
For example
, my friend had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his girlfriend gave another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on his birthday;
therefore
, they became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close between together compared to the past.
In this case
, relationship are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
rather
than money.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is an essential part in human life, while,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time it is an inessential. To me, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
approximately 60% with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is one type of waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on things, which do not like and want to the receiver.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. with this? 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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