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Write about the following topic. It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and includ v.18

It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. with this? 18
Many believe that having a fixed age for everyone, regardless of their occupation is unjust. They think that certain workers should be permitted to retire and to receive pension at an earlier age. I agree to such a measure. Setting the retirement at 65 deems unfair for many reasons. Not all professions are equal. While some require intellectual abilities, others require physical strength. For instance, some fields of work depend solely on management; however, there are other sorts of heavy-duty work. You can't treat someone who exerts physical effort for a living like another who just uses their brain; it would be unfair. Not to mention that there are certain professions that affect one's health. Take Mining for example; most miners end up with lung diseases. Now, if miners were to work until 65 just to receive a pension, think of the damage that they would incur along the process. While others working in a perfectly safe environment don't suffer, there are others who take a great risk just to provide a living. Therefore, the need for an earlier retirement age for specific workers arise. If such a measure were taken, many heavy-duty employees would benefit from it. As it would give them a chance for a better health. Evacuating at a relatively younger age would enable them to leave the toxic environment where they function and seek medical attention. Many are expected to make use of early evacuation: cleaners, factory workers, miners, Etc. Which is why it is important to implement such a decision. In the end, we need to distinguish between equity and equality. It’s good to have equality, but sometimes in doing so we end up harming a party. Generalizing retirement age without the slightest consideration of everyone’s occupation is unfair and thus every profession should have their own evacuation age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for everyone, regardless of their occupation is unjust. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that certain workers should
be permitted
to retire and to receive pension at an earlier age.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to such a measure. Setting the retirement at 65 deems unfair for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. Not all professions are equal. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
require intellectual abilities, others require physical strength.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields of work depend
solely
on management;
however
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sorts of heavy-duty work. You can't treat someone who exerts physical effort for a living like another who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
their brain; it would be unfair. Not to mention that there are certain professions that affect one's health. Take Mining
for example
; most miners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with lung diseases.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, if miners were to work until 65
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to receive a pension,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of the damage that they would incur along the process. While others working in a
perfectly
safe environment don't suffer, there are others who take a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to provide a living.
Therefore
, the need for an earlier retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for specific workers arise.

If such a measure
were taken
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
heavy-duty employees would benefit from it. As it would give them a chance for a better health. Evacuating at a
relatively
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the toxic environment where they function and seek medical attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of early evacuation: cleaners, factory workers, miners, Etc. Which is why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to implement such a decision.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, we need to distinguish between equity and equality. It’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have equality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up harming a party. Generalizing retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
without the slightest consideration of everyone’s occupation is unfair and
thus
every profession should have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
evacuation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. with this? 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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