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It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? v.1

It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. with this? v. 1
At various events a society has a tradition to give a souvenir; however, time to time inappropriate because useless or people do not need these things. Therefore, majority people think necessarily change this tradition and stop to give a gift, while others have the opposite view. Overall, I partly agree with the topic statement because we have different events and circumstances there people can predict a gift. Firstly, few people can decline the fact that close circle of people alludes to you that they want, so the more time you can buy a present without any doubt. For example, the close friend can demonstrate you some stuff that suit for him; however, he still do not buy it for different reasons. Moreover, people on some part of events inevitably give a present such as women`s day when men present flowers and other gifts. Consequently, things on a souvenir need in some circumstances and events. Although, majority occasions when people decided to buy something universal and cheaper it make awkward situation, thereby this type of gift should be discouraged by feedback from who accepted a gift. For instance, in my country the tradition present bed linen or pot flowers, nevertheless on chance of the allergy or useless such stuff. Besides, if these things useless, after people are able to catch a lot of awkward moments too, because we usually ask about gift such as the meaning of receiver or why you are not using the gift, thereby it could lead to controversial aftermath. Thus, if people do not have sureness on a present, perhaps better give money in a card or envelope, or only congratulate for evading embarrassing occasions. To conclude, I cannot wholeheartedly deny a gift givings because time to time you need to do it, as a result better consider type of a souvenir or allude to ask people that they want.
At various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
a society has a tradition to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a souvenir;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
inappropriate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
useless or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need these things.
Therefore
, majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
necessarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this tradition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
, while others have the opposite view.
Overall
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the topic statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and circumstances there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can predict a gift.

Firstly
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can decline the fact that close circle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
alludes to you that they want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
without any doubt.
For example
, the close friend can demonstrate you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stuff that suit for him;
however
, he
still
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
inevitably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
such as
The character between 'women' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "women’s" (curly apostrophe) or "women's" (straight apostrophe).
women`s
day when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
flowers and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
.
Consequently
, things on a souvenir need in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Although, majority occasions when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something universal and cheaper it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
awkward situation, thereby this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
should
be discouraged
by feedback from who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
.
For instance
, in my country the tradition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
bed linen or pot flowers,
nevertheless
on chance of the allergy or useless such stuff.
Besides
, if these things useless, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to catch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
awkward moments too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
usually
ask about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
such as the meaning of receiver or why you are not using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
, thereby it could lead to controversial aftermath.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have sureness on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, perhaps better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
money in a card or envelope, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
congratulate for evading embarrassing occasions.

To conclude
, I cannot
wholeheartedly
deny a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
givings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you need to do it,
as a result
better consider
If 'type' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "type of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
type of a
souvenir or allude to ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they want.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been argued that gift giving should not be encouraged, because money is often wasted on things that people do not like or want. with this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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