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Write about the following topic. Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace le. g. at home, when travelling, etc. ). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience. v.24

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace le. g. at home, when travelling, etc. ). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? v. 24
Social media has become an integral part of human life. And we are becoming dependent on it. Many people believe that it helps to do their work at outside of their workplace. While others feel that mobility have some bad impact on our society. However, I agree with the former statement. I believe that social media have so many beneficial side those are outweigh the drawback of technology. It is generally thought that social media bring a great revolution in our connectivity. Firstly, The connectivity experience today is unimaginable. The world has become a smaller place with social media. On the other hand social media is a platform that has empowered people to showcase talent. All over the world, people can work their official assignment at home. For instance, when people stay at home or travelling they can do their job by itself. After all, it makes their life beneficial and productive. Move over Many people use internet for their presentation. Using internet saves them time and money. In addition, Social media have so many disadvantages. Firstly over use of internet established communication gap. Many parents have no enough time to spend with their children. Because of their work at home. It has an undesirable effect on their children and some people miss communications with their colleagues. Secondly, some people doing cyber crime. It is really an anxiety attack. For example Hackers stole $101 million from Bangladesh Bank accounts February 2016. Finally, addiction the social communication side having a detrimental effect on young generation. They are doing the crime. In conclusion, there are some negative expected to social media and social media or technology. If it is used sensibly and people take a regular break from their computer. There is only benefit that remains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has become an integral part of human life. And we are becoming dependent on it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to do their work at
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their workplace.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others feel that mobility have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on our society.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beneficial side those are
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
the drawback of technology.

It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
bring a great revolution in our connectivity.
Firstly
, The connectivity experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is unimaginable. The world has become a smaller place with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a platform that has empowered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to showcase talent. All over the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work their official assignment at home.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay at home or travelling they can do their job by itself.
After all
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life beneficial and productive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Move
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet for their presentation. Using internet saves them time and money.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.
Firstly
over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet established communication gap.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents have no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with their children.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of their work at home. It has an undesirable effect on their children and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
miss communications with their colleagues.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing cyber crime. It is
really
an anxiety attack.
For example
Hackers stole $101 million from Bangladesh Bank accounts February 2016.
Finally
, addiction the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
communication side having a detrimental effect on young generation. They are doing the crime.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
or technology. If it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
sensibly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take a regular break from their computer. There is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
remains
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace le. g. at home, when travelling, etc. ). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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