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Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at l v.3

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Write at l v. 3
In this modern era, sports person is earning high income over the other professions. Many of the people think, that should be acceptable while some believe that is unfair. In this essay, we will discuss the both views and I would argue that is not fair because many of them working hard, but they did not get proper needs such as an appropriate salary. On the one hand, sports professional incomes are very high when compared to others. The main reason is they are working hard for many years due to this they acquired many great skills. People who learn more skills they tend to be more successful in their life, especially in their salaries. For one clear instance, many sports players have become an overnight success in the age of 17 to 18 and this was very difficult because many professions are becoming popular in their age of 40 or 50. By observing the sports person lives, they are investing their time only in games and it was followed many years. Furthermore, they represent their countries to participate in international competition such as world cup. As a result, they are highly paid by their countries. on the other hand, many professionals like doctors and researchers are also working hard to improve the environment and public lives. Without them, we cannot survive in this world. For example, in recent research shows European doctors salaries are only 1000 euro per month whereas some European football players earn more than 100 million euro per month. To conclude, it is acceptable for the sports person earning more income, although many professionals who work for social are not getting their basic needs.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person is earning high income over the other professions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, that should be acceptable while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe
that is
unfair. In this essay, we will discuss the both views and I would argue
that is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper needs such as an appropriate salary.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professional incomes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high when compared to others. The main reason is they are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years due to this they acquired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who learn more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they tend to be more successful in their life,
especially
in their salaries. For one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
instance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players have become an overnight success in the age of 17 to 18 and this was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions are becoming popular in their age of 40 or 50. By observing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, they are investing their time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in games and it
was followed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
Furthermore
, they represent their countries to participate in international competition such as world cup.
As a result
, they are
highly
paid by their countries.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals like doctors and researchers are
also
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the environment and public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Without them, we cannot survive in this world.
For example
, in recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
European doctors salaries are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
per month whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
European football players earn more than 100 million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
per month.

To conclude
, it is acceptable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person earning more income, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals who work for social are not getting their basic needs.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Write at l v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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