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The chart shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v.1

The chart shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v. 1
Good choice of courses actually determines generally how proficient someone would perform later on in career life. Some individuals believe that the undergraduate students should be given the opportunity to study science and technology courses that will be relevant later on in life, others are of the opinion that these students should only take courses of their choice. I am of the opinion that with the advancement in technology and sciences, students should only consider courses related to this field. Choosing a career pathway should only be determined by the student. This is because when this decision is made freely by the student based on an interest and not on cohesion, such student will perform excellently in the career life. For example, my mum had wanted me to study medicine, which I never had an interest in, even after I gained admission into the medical school, I had to change into nursing which I have a passion for because my performance was poor which was likened to lack of interest. This actually shows that giving undergraduates the freedom to make career choices improves proficiency in the ladder of career pathway. However, despite the fact that students should be given the liberty to make choices of courses to study, it is actually more beneficial if these students should channel their interest in courses relating to science and technology. The increasing advancement in technology has called for more body of knowledge and in order to meet up with this demand, having more professions in this field will be worthwhile. For instance, in China, about 90 percent of courses being taught in schools are all science-related and today China ranks the most advanced countries worldwide. In conclusion, although allowing students to decide for themselves the courses to study enhance sound performance later in life career life. Nevertheless, having students studying more about science and technology courses will be more beneficial in the world that is ever-increasing in technology.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
actually determines
generally
how proficient someone would perform later on in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that the undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that will be relevant later on in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, others are of the opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
. I am of the opinion that with the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
related to this field.

Choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
pathway should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be determined
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when this decision
is made
freely
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
based on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
and not on cohesion, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will perform
excellently
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, my mum had wanted me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
medicine, which I never had an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in, even after I gained admission into the medical school, I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
into nursing which I have a passion for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my performance was poor which
was likened
to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. This actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that giving undergraduates the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
proficiency in the ladder of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
pathway.

However
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the liberty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, it is actually more beneficial if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should channel their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The increasing advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has called for more body of knowledge and in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with this demand, having more professions in this field will be worthwhile.
For instance
, in China, about 90 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
being taught
in schools are all science-related and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
China ranks the most advanced countries worldwide.

In conclusion
, although allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to decide for themselves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
enhance sound performance later in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Nevertheless
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
will be more beneficial in the world
that is
ever-increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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