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Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: Ask for some time off to complete a qualification. Suggest what you will do later at work if you have to time off. Say how the qualification helps your job or company. v.2

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: Ask for some time off to complete a qualification. Suggest what you will do later at work if you have to time off. Say how the qualification helps your job or company. v. 2
The time between finishing high school and starting tertiary education is crucial. In some countries, between the end of high school and starting of higher studies, youngsters are encouraged to work or travel. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawback of this approach. This trend has some positive outcomes. To begin with, by travelling, youngsters can experience the culture of another country, which would be beneficial when they stay there in future. Younger people would be aware of the lifestyle of the host country. This, in turn, would be important when they acquire education there. A study from the World Education System, for instance, showed that students who have stayed in a foreign country before enrolling in the tertiary education are highly likely to survive better. Furthermore, youngsters opting for employment may make them independent. This is because they would be financially stable and not reliant on others for their daily living expenses. On the other hand, this trend comes up with its downsides. Firstly, employment can deviate younger students from further studies. Earning money may bring in them the desire to earn only and this would develop the lack of interest in further learning. Secondly, they may lose interest in their own culture while travelling abroad. The new culture can attract them, thereby they would begin admiring the host country’s culture, as well as stop pursuing their own traditions. Research by Oxford University, for example, revealed that Asian students after spending a year in a Western country, start praising the host nation’s culture and abandoning their own. In conclusion, although travelling and working in a gap year between high school and university learning has beneficial outcomes such as knowing another country’s culture and making them financially self-reliance, hindering them from further education, as well as stop appreciating their own traditional values are negative outcomes.
The time between finishing high school and starting tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is crucial. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of high school and starting of higher studies, youngsters
are encouraged
to work or travel. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawback of this approach.

This trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by travelling, youngsters can experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which would be beneficial when they stay there
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be aware of the lifestyle of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This, in turn, would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when they acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
there. A study from the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
System,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that students who have stayed in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
enrolling in the tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are
highly
likely to survive better.
Furthermore
, youngsters opting for employment may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them independent. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would be
financially
stable and not reliant on others for their daily living expenses.

On the other hand
, this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with its downsides.
Firstly
, employment can deviate younger students from
further
studies. Earning money may bring in them the desire to earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and this would develop the lack of interest in
further
learning.
Secondly
, they may lose interest in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
while travelling abroad. The new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can attract them, thereby they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
admiring the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
pursuing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditions. Research by Oxford University,
for example
, revealed that Asian students after spending a year in a Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
praising the host nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and abandoning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

In conclusion
, although travelling and working in a gap year between high school and university learning has beneficial outcomes such as knowing another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and making them
financially
self-reliance, hindering them from
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
appreciating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditional values are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: Ask for some time off to complete a qualification. Suggest what you will do later at work if you have to time off. Say how the qualification helps your job or company. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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