Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that criminqls should be given longer term of prison as to reduce crime. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people believe that criminqls should be given longer term of prison as to reduce crime. v. 1
Nowadays, there are some masterpieces which are well paid and help the creator to build their reputation, whereas the majority of artists couldn’t find the way to sell their work. There is a suggestion that the Government should take some effort to gain the balance of this inequitable problem. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this idea. Firstly, this unfair situation is the motivation for artists to try their best to create. Thus, not only in art but also in any field of life, if there are no competitions, there will be no development. Competition actually is a nudge which helps each person to expand their potential. For example, when being compared with other creation, the inventors will have the tendency of learning new ideas and put more effort into their works. By this way, a masterpiece will be born. On the other hands, this inequitable situation is also a useful method for the artists to understand the demand of their customer. Secondly, there are no standards for art because people have different taste with craft. For instant, a paint can be charming with somebody, but it is valueless with others. Moreover, judging other’s masterstroke mostly based on human emotion and the Government has no right to control it by any law. Furthermore, the painter can only master their work by feeling free. This is the reason why the creation cannot be constrained by any rule. Conclusion, if the creators work hard and meet their customer’s demand, their desire for the achievement and being well known. However, if they put lots of effort but, still have to struggle in life, the Government should not take any solutions for this partial problem. Thus, art as well as the emotion can’t be forced.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masterpieces which are well paid and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the creator to build their reputation, whereas the majority of artists couldn’t find the way to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. There is a suggestion that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effort to gain the balance of this inequitable problem. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Firstly
, this unfair situation is the motivation for artists to try their best to create.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in any field of life, if there are no competitions, there will be no development. Competition actually is a nudge which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
each person to expand their potential.
For example
, when
being compared
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
creation, the inventors will have the tendency of learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and put more effort into their works. By this way, a masterpiece will
be born
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hands, this inequitable situation is
also
a useful method for the artists to understand the demand of their customer.

Secondly
, there are no standards for art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
taste with craft. For instant, a paint can be charming with somebody,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is valueless with others.
Moreover
, judging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
masterstroke
mostly
based on human emotion and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
has no right to control it by any law.
Furthermore
, the painter can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
master their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by feeling free. This is the reason why the creation cannot
be constrained
by any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.

Conclusion, if the creators
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their customer’s demand, their desire for the achievement and being well known.
However
, if they put lots of effort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle in life, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should not take any solutions for this partial problem.
Thus
, art
as well
as the emotion can’t
be forced
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that criminqls should be given longer term of prison as to reduce crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts