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Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: 1- Ask for some time off to complete a qualification. 2-Suggest what you will do later at work if you have time off. 3-Say how the qualification helps your job or company. v.1

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: 1- Ask for some time off to complete a qualification. 2-Suggest what you will do later at work if you have time off. 3-Say how the qualification helps your job or company. v. 1
In the recent times, the culture of higher education has changed dramatically. There is an exorbitant rise of the undergraduate students in the part-time employments along with their academic activities at the university. I believe that, this is the beneficial development of the scholars. The supporting arguments of my stand are discussed further. To begin with, the major benefit of the above notion, it will inculcate the interpersonal and practical skills in the students, which is not possible to introduce in their curricula. Such skills are very useful for the pupils in their professional life, when they enter in the competitive work environment. Moreover, many companies are looking for the potential candidates pursuing various practical skills such as the effective communication skill and time management. Furthermore, the skills of time and money management will also helpful to the undergraduate in their academic activities and day to day life. For instance, the student consists of practical skills will never miss the deadlines of his academic work as well as utilize his money wisely. In addition, the temporary job along with the education makes the youngsters monetarily strong. Momentarily, the soaring cost of the education restricts the lower middle class youth for their higher education. Although, the pupils have to work hard to balance their work and study, their economic conditions will become stable and their education will not interrupt. For example, the students can earn sufficient money to curb their living cost. As a result, the financial burden would not distract them from their academic goals. Thus, the practice on the job along with the study brings innumerable advantages to the pupils. To conclude, the all-round development of the younger generation is possible with the exploration of their experience of the workplace during their graduation. Therefore, I strongly opine that the part-time job with higher education is a lucrative development. Also, the government should motivate the youth for this practice.
In the recent times, the culture of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
. There is an exorbitant rise of the undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the part-time employments along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
activities at the university. I believe that, this is the beneficial development of the scholars. The supporting arguments of my stand
are discussed
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major benefit of the above notion, it will inculcate the interpersonal and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which is not possible to introduce in their curricula. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for the pupils in their professional life, when they
There isn't usually a preposition after "enter". Did you mean "enter the competitive"?
enter in the competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are looking for the potential candidates pursuing various practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as the effective communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and time management.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of time and money management will
also
helpful to the undergraduate in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
activities and day to day life.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
consists of practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will never miss the deadlines of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
as utilize his money
wisely
.

In addition
, the temporary job along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the youngsters
monetarily
strong.
Momentarily
, the soaring cost of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
restricts the lower middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
youth for their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Although, the pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to balance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study, their economic conditions will become stable and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will not interrupt.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can earn sufficient money to curb their living cost.
As a result
, the financial burden would not distract them from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
goals.
Thus
, the practice on the job along with the study brings innumerable advantages to the pupils.

To conclude
, the all-round development of the younger generation is possible with the exploration of their experience of the workplace during their graduation.
Therefore
, I
strongly
opine that the part-time job with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a lucrative development.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should motivate the youth for this practice.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: 1- Ask for some time off to complete a qualification. 2-Suggest what you will do later at work if you have time off. 3-Say how the qualification helps your job or company. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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