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The development of technology changes the way people interact with each other. In which way does it change the types of relationship between people? Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

The development of technology changes the way people interact with each other. In which way does it change the types of relationship between people? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
People’s attitude towards products has been thoroughly changed over the years. Whereas they tended to fix damaged items in the past to reuse it again, they are simply getting rid of any harmed item and buy a new one online from the internet stores. This essay illustrates the causes behind such a situation in addition to prospective problems. The main reason why people nowadays are preferring replacing the damaged products with new ones is the technological evolution that led to the internet invention. As almost everyone is accessing the internet today. Therefore, they are able to shop online whatever they want. A good illustration for this is when my son’s bike was broken last month, we were able to order another one with better qualities from an online store, in addition it was delivered within only three days. However, such an approach might lead to unpleasant consequences. Another cause of this situation is the availability of stores and companies due to the developmental progress of manufacturing around the globe. There are negative impacts resulting from throwing out broken things and purchasing others, such as, promoting laziness between consumers due to the availability of goods at present more than ever before. Additionally, a decline in creativity levels. As people will no longer create or use their imagination in order to address the problem they are having with the damaged product. A good example to this is when I was young, my Barbie doll’s dress was cut, instead of buying another one, my mother helped me sew a new outfit for the doll using materials we had at home. To conclude, current people's attitude towards products that need fixing by getting rid of them is mostly due to the recent technological and internet development which made shopping easier, unfortunately, this is dramatically influencing their creativity skills and promoting laziness. I would say that governmental advertising about this issue might positively enhance the situation and redress the imbalance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
has been
thoroughly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the years. Whereas they tended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
damaged items in the past to reuse it again, they are
simply
getting rid of any harmed item and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new one online from the internet stores. This essay illustrates the causes behind such a situation
in addition
to prospective problems.

The main reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
replacing the damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with new ones is the technological evolution that led to the internet invention.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
almost everyone is accessing the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Therefore
, they are able to shop online whatever they want. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is when my son’s bike
was broken
last month, we were able to order another one with better qualities from an online store,
in addition
it
was delivered
within
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three days.
However
, such an approach might lead to unpleasant consequences. Another cause of this situation is the availability of stores and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
due to the developmental progress of manufacturing around the globe.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts resulting from throwing out broken things and purchasing others, such as, promoting laziness between consumers due to the availability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at present more than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Additionally
, a decline in creativity levels. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will no longer create or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their imagination in order to address the problem they are having with the damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to this is when I was young, my Barbie doll’s dress was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
,
instead
of buying another one, my mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me sew a new outfit for the doll using materials we had at home.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that need fixing by getting rid of them is
mostly
due to the recent technological and internet development which made shopping easier, unfortunately, this is
dramatically
influencing their creativity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and promoting laziness. I would say that governmental advertising about this issue might
positively
enhance the situation and redress the imbalance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The development of technology changes the way people interact with each other. In which way does it change the types of relationship between people? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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