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Would you prefer to do an important college assignment as part of a team with other students, or individually on your own? v.1

Would you prefer to do an important college assignment as part of a team with other students, or individually on your own? v. 1
As more shows and movies are now able to allow us to gain an insight into different cultures and customs, some might claim that we can understand more about many other countries simply by watching it on TV. Personally, I partly agree with this assertion, while such films could be helpful in some cases, there is a range of unexplored ways of life that could only be learned by landing in those regions. From my viewpoint, I can understand why some people point to the view that television programs and films is a vital source of information about another country. In today’s fast-growing world, the majority of nations and regions all want to introduce their various lifestyles and traditions to the whole world in order to develop the tourist industry and generate more revenue from it. As a result, hundreds of reality shows and documentaries about a specific community or region are broadcast on a regular basis, which hopefully catches the attention of as many international tourists as possible. For instance, I have learned about Carnival festivals which are celebrated annually in South American countries thanks to lots of televised programs. On the other hand, I believe that no matter how many shows we watch on TV, there are diverse lifestyles and customs of other communities that a spectator can not understand by sitting in front of a television, ranging from hunting methods of many indigenous tribes living in the Amazon to the ancient traditions of the Altai Mountains in Russia. Due to the harsh environment, such places remain unaffected from the rest of the planet, which means that an average viewer will never be able to know anything about those remote areas. However, travelers can obtain a better understanding of these far-flung destinations where they are going to explore or study. For example, if an audience only lays down in bed and watches some footage about the hunting journey of many tribal communities, he or she will never be able to make bows or arrows which are important tools to catch animals. In conclusion, it seems to me that television can help us all to know about distinct areas and regions on Earth, but there are still undiscovered secrets that haven’t been published on this important public service.
As more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and movies are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to gain an insight into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and customs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might claim that we can understand more about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other countries
simply
by watching it on TV.
Personally
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion, while such films could be helpful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, there is a range of unexplored ways of life that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be learned
by landing in those regions.

From my viewpoint, I can understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
point to the view that television programs and films is a vital source of information about another country. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing world, the majority of nations and regions all want to introduce their various lifestyles and traditions to the whole world in order to develop the tourist industry and generate more revenue from it.
As a result
, hundreds of reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and documentaries about a specific community or region are broadcast on a regular basis, which
hopefully
catches the attention of as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international tourists as possible.
For instance
, I have learned about Carnival festivals which
are celebrated
annually
in South American countries thanks to lots of televised programs.

On the other hand
, I believe that no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV, there are diverse lifestyles and customs of other communities that a spectator can not understand by sitting in front of a television, ranging from hunting methods of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
indigenous tribes living in the Amazon to the ancient traditions of the Altai Mountains in Russia. Due to the harsh environment, such places remain unaffected from the rest of the planet, which means that an average viewer will never be able to know anything about those remote areas.
However
, travelers can obtain a better understanding of these far-flung destinations where they are going to explore or study.
For example
, if an audience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lays down in bed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
footage about the hunting journey of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tribal communities, he or she will never be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bows or arrows which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tools to catch animals.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that television can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us all to know about distinct areas and regions on Earth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
still
undiscovered secrets that haven’t
been published
on this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
public service.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Would you prefer to do an important college assignment as part of a team with other students, or individually on your own? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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