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2. Would you prefer to do an important college assignment as part of a team with otherstudents, or individually on your own? v.1

2. Would you prefer to do an important college assignment as part of a team with otherstudents, or individually on your own? v. 1
Irrefutably, time has a huge influence on people’s lives virtually all around the world. Considering this scenario, some people believe that utilising major duration of the construction of a bright future is more important; however, others claim that spend it with kith and kin is very significant. This essay will discuss both the views and examine on the above argument before reaching to any staunch conclusion. Predominantly, career achievement is of great benefit to successfully develop in the form of financial matters. This may mean that thriving in a job opportunity might give rise to better social and personal welfare, hopefully leading to improvement in quality of life. A valid illustration of this can be in the case of some film industry personalities. They come from poor family background, but they put their effort for career enhancement and now become a successful Film Star. Therefore, it is clearly evident that career progression is of paramount importance in people’s life. Notably, pursing career has rewards which go beyond the material considerations. It seems quite tenable that job satisfaction may afford spiritual enrichment, thus fostering the sense of self-confidence and self-assurance. With regards to the above argument, placing more emphasis on the effective communication with families and friends is a key illustration of rational thinking. It seems quite justifiable that such a communication is essential for absorbing ground rules and codes of conduct for social behaviour and building of family structure, arguably leading to an absence of emotional and social problems, particularly for younger members of the family. Nobody can deny the tremendous benefits of continuous supervision of parents for their children, ensuring a well-behaved environment which might be provided for children to be well-brought up. Equally, most people would derive benefits from their families and friends in terms of career progression and financial matters. All things considered, one can conclude that both sides of the debate are not necessarily mutually exclusive. From my point of view, sensible figures would share fairly their time with both surrounding people and career advancement.
Irrefutably
, time has a huge influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
virtually
all around the world. Considering this scenario,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
major duration of the construction of a bright future is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
;
however
, others claim that spend it with kith and kin is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant. This essay will discuss both the views and examine on the above argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to any staunch conclusion.

Predominantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
achievement is of great benefit to
successfully
develop in the form of financial matters. This may mean that thriving in a job opportunity might give rise to better social and personal welfare,
hopefully
leading to improvement in quality of life. A valid illustration of this can be in the case of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
film industry personalities. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they put their effort for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
enhancement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become a successful Film Star.
Therefore
, it is
clearly
evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
progression is of paramount importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.
Notably
, pursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
has rewards which go beyond the material considerations. It seems quite tenable that job satisfaction may afford spiritual enrichment,
thus
fostering the sense of self-confidence and self-assurance.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the above argument, placing more emphasis on the effective communication with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and friends is a key illustration of rational thinking. It seems quite justifiable that such a communication is essential for absorbing ground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and codes of conduct for social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and building of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure,
arguably
leading to an absence of emotional and social problems,
particularly
for younger members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Nobody can deny the tremendous benefits of continuous supervision of parents for their children, ensuring a well-behaved environment which might
be provided
for children to be well-brought up.
Equally
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would derive benefits from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and friends in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
progression and financial matters.

All things considered, one can conclude that both sides of the debate are not
necessarily
mutually
exclusive. From my point of view, sensible figures would share
fairly
their time with both surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
advancement.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 2. Would you prefer to do an important college assignment as part of a team with otherstudents, or individually on your own? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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