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Your teacher has given you a large assignment that must be completed in one month. You can complete the assignment gradually by working on it a little bit each day, or you can complete the work quickly by working on it intensively for three or four days. v.2

Your teacher has given you a large assignment that must be completed in one month. You can complete the assignment gradually by working on it a little bit each day, or you can complete the work quickly by working on it intensively for three or four days. v. 2
I prefer to work quickly by working on it intensively because I do need concentration to complete things. Working intensively tend to be more effectively and led me to build condense opinion. There are two reasons to support this opinion. First of all, working gradually and spend long time to finish make me confused because of too many information and ideas coming up. Usually, If I have large assignment, I would separate to a main goal and some small goals. It is actually easier to do work if I have clear goals however the more day I spend, the harder to choose one topic because I probably am excited to learn new things. One day I am like " I would like to know this computer system" however the other day I am like " I am motivated to study web system" . I would say that time is limited not forever therefore having time to end up assignment is not good for me. Second, I usually do things intensively. For instance, I had final thesis before I graduate. It was large assignment so I needed to have experiment at lab, excursion outside of school, collecting questionnaire from people tried and writing all the consequence in the essay. We prepared for this thesis an year before we graduate so we make sure that we have plenty of time to do everything and get review from professors. Last year of university, the college offer enough time to focus on thesis so the students do not required to take a class. However I do not agree with this education system because I would prefer to take a class and get knowledge while I am a student. Therefore I would say that if students think they have enough time to do research and complete assignment, they do not do well. Some students do well however I do not think that all of them. As I write above, I would rather concentrate for short time to make more effectively. All of considered, I would prefer working quickly in short time to build clear opinion and reasons.
I prefer to work
quickly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on it
intensively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I do need concentration to complete things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
intensively
tend to be more
effectively
and led me to build condense opinion. There are two reasons to support this opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
gradually
and spend long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me confused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of too
Use "much" or "little" with uncountable nouns.
many
information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
coming up.
Usually
, If I have large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignment
, I would separate to a main goal and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
goals. It is actually easier to do work if I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
goals
however
the more day I spend, the harder to choose one topic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
probably
am excited
to learn new things. One day I am like
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; I would like to know this computer
Possible spelling mistake found.
system&quot
;
however
the other day I am like
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; I
am motivated
to study web
Possible spelling mistake found.
system&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is limited
not forever
therefore
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignment
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for me.

Second, I
usually
do things
intensively
.
For instance
, I had final thesis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I graduate. It was large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I needed to have experiment at lab, excursion outside of school, collecting questionnaire from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tried and writing all the consequence in the essay. We prepared for this thesis
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we graduate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do everything and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
review from professors. Last year of university, the college offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to focus on thesis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "require"?
required
to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this education system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I would prefer to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge while I am a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I would say that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do research and complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignment
, they do not do well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do well
however
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all of them. As I write above, I would
rather
concentrate for short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
effectively
.

All of considered, I would prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
quickly
in short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
opinion and reasons.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Your teacher has given you a large assignment that must be completed in one month. You can complete the assignment gradually by working on it a little bit each day, or you can complete the work quickly by working on it intensively for three or four days. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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