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The table gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2017. v.1

The table gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2017. v. 1
There seems to be a common belief among people that anyone's achievement in adulthood is due to their upbringing and parents' influence. Even though I have to agree to some extent, at the same time, it is also undeniable that every individual paves their own path and deserves to be merited according to their efforts. On the one hand, children spend the majority of their childhood in the company of their parents and, thus, the imprint they leave is of extreme importance. In other words, parents educate and discipline their children from the very beginning of their lives, and if they implement proper motivational techniques and develop their imagination through various methods, this would surely develop commendable qualities in every young individual. A case in point is all political dynasties, such as the Kennedy's and Clintons, where children's enthusiasm for politics was boosted from birth, contributing to their future success as adults. This is why it would be unreasonable to undermine the influence parents can have on their offsprings' positive career outcomes. Nonetheless, having been properly raised and given the necessary foundation can only be some of the factors for individuals triumph as adults. This is because, as children grow up, their uniqueness grows with them, and over time, they develop a set of skills based solely on their individual abilities. It is then when their parent's imprints start to fade, and they go on their separate path, based on their merits. An excellent example of this is Marc Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, whose parents tried to involve him in their family's dental practice ever since he was a child, but never succeed because the IT sector was what he was truly good at, and where he thrived. Therefore, parents impact cannot be regarded as the key factor for individuals professional triumph. In conclusion, although it is acceptable to believe that one's success is deeply affected by a parent's way of upbringing, an individual's inner abilities cannot be disregarded as unimportant.
There seems to be a common belief among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that anyone's achievement in adulthood is due to their upbringing and parents' influence.
Even though
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, at the same time, it is
also
undeniable that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
paves their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
path and deserves to
be merited
according to their efforts.

On the one hand, children spend the majority of their childhood in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and,
thus
, the imprint they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
is of extreme importance.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
educate and discipline their children from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and if they implement proper motivational techniques and develop their imagination through various methods, this would
surely
develop commendable qualities in every young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. A case in point is all political dynasties, such as the Kennedy's and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Clintons
, where children's enthusiasm for politics
was boosted
from birth, contributing to their future success as adults. This is why it would be unreasonable to undermine the influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can have on their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
'
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
career outcomes.

Nonetheless, having been
properly
raised and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the necessary foundation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
triumph as adults. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as children grow up, their uniqueness grows with them, and over time, they develop a set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
based
solely
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
abilities. It is then when their parent's imprints
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to fade, and they go on their separate path, based on their merits. An excellent example of this is Marc Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tried to involve him in their family's dental practice ever since he was a child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never succeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the IT sector was what he was
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at, and where he thrived.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
impact cannot
be regarded
as the key factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
professional triumph.

In conclusion
, although it is acceptable to believe that one's success is
deeply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by a parent's way of upbringing, an individual's inner abilities cannot
be disregarded
as unimportant.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2017. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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