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The line graph shows the average temperature during the hottest part of the day Australia in 2007 v.1

The line graph shows the average temperature during the hottest part of the day Australia in 2007 v. 1
Industrial growth, which is the sign of economic development, has brought a positive impact to some countries in the world by lowering the number of poverty. Hence, some people believe this growth should be discontinued because it can harm the environment. I personally disagree with this idea. So, in this essay, I shall prove that the environment damage caused by industrial development can be minimized without stopping its growth. On the one hand, the growth of industry in some countries all over the world has contributed to decrease the number of unemployment. For example, in China, people who do not have any formal education background can still get a job because industries there require a huge number of human resources. The increasing number of employment in line with the declining number of poverty and criminal cases in China. On the other hand, some irresponsible industries throw away their waste directly to the surroundings without doing the proper procedure for the waste management. For example, Shanghai, a town in China, has been nominated as the most polluted city in the world. However, this problem can be solved if the government forces the industries to obey the lawsuit regarding waste management system. To conclude, economic development has caused a negative impact to the environment. Fortunately, this issue can be minimized by implementing the waste management procedures. I believe, the benefits of industrial growth outweigh its drawbacks. The discontinuation of the development of the economy can lead to unemployment, poverty, and criminal convictions, which is harder to be solved
Industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
, which is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, has brought a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries in the world by lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of poverty.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
should
be discontinued
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can harm the environment. I
personally
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this essay, I shall prove that the environment damage caused by industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
can
be minimized
without stopping its growth.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries all over the world has contributed to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of unemployment.
For example
, in China,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have any formal education background can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
there require a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of human resources. The increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employment in line with the declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of poverty and criminal cases in China.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
irresponsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
throw away their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
directly
to the surroundings without doing the proper procedure for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
management.
For example
, Shanghai, a town in China, has
been nominated
as the most polluted city in the world.
However
, this problem can
be solved
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
forces the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to obey the lawsuit regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
management system.

To conclude
, economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has caused a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to the environment.
Fortunately
, this issue can
be minimized
by implementing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
management procedures. I believe, the benefits of industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
outweigh its drawbacks. The discontinuation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the economy can lead to unemployment, poverty, and criminal convictions, which is harder to be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
solved
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph shows the average temperature during the hottest part of the day Australia in 2007 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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