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World travel was revolutionized in the 20th century to the extent that the world has now become a global village. What factors will influence travel this century? Will travel continue to grow or will it become less popular? v.2

World travel was revolutionized in the 20th century to the extent that the world has now become a global village. What factors will influence travel this century? Will travel continue to grow or will it become less popular? v. 2
There is no doubt that in this contemporary era, tourism globally has changed drastically, which lead the world to become a global village. This change is remarkably noticeable from an individual's psychology of commuting throughout the planet. This essay will explore why people embrace travel these days and why there will be a rise in this protocol. Many people nowadays spend long working hours in their professional life, hence they could look around for an option to get unwind which encourage the balance between their official and personal life. However, there are myriad of ways that one can choose so that the equilibrium is maintained, the travel is the most interesting one, as per the research conducted in Delhi University. The reason for this might be that it renders great satisfaction to make people rejuvenated. For example, I, myself always try to travel as and when I get bored with my work. Therefore the trend of travelling is going to rise in upcoming days as it is one of the best choices to get refreshed. The imbalance, if caused in occupational and family life causes conflicts due to misunderstandings created by the lack of time for family. Thus, it is important that people should try to overcome such issues by their own. It is observed that this culture has taken a sharp exponential curve, especially because of the peer-effect amongst public these days. To summarize, travel is one of the best platforms to suffice the purpose of getting unwind due to their hectic schedule in offices and this fashion will keep on increasing because of the influence from others. As such, travelling should be encouraged as it might offer some learnings and the experience could help others to follow.
There is no doubt that in this contemporary era, tourism globally has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
, which lead the world to become a global village. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
remarkably
noticeable from an individual's psychology of commuting throughout the planet. This essay will explore why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
embrace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
these days and why there will be a rise in this protocol.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays spend long working hours in their professional life,
hence
they could look around for an option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
unwind which encourage the balance between their official and personal life.
However
, there are myriad of ways that one can choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the equilibrium
is maintained
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
is the most interesting one, as per the research conducted in Delhi University. The reason for this might be that it renders great satisfaction to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rejuvenated.
For example
, I, myself always try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
as and when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored with my work.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the trend of travelling is going to rise in upcoming days as it is one of the best choices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
refreshed.

The imbalance, if caused in occupational and family life causes conflicts due to misunderstandings created by the lack of time for family.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to overcome such issues by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. It
is observed
that this culture has taken a sharp exponential curve,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the peer-effect amongst public these days.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
is one of the best platforms to suffice the purpose of getting unwind due to their hectic schedule in offices and this fashion will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the influence from others. As such, travelling should
be encouraged
as it might offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
learnings and the experience could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others to follow.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay World travel was revolutionized in the 20th century to the extent that the world has now become a global village. What factors will influence travel this century? Will travel continue to grow or will it become less popular? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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