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The 20th Century saw great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be recommended about the 20th century? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v.2

The 20th Century saw great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be recommended about the 20th century? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 2
The world has evolved phenomenally in 20th century from basic need of food, shelter and cloth to technology and tools. Many change has contributed in the developed of contemporary world. As it is said “development is a continuous process, having mention that I would recommend a change yet to be made in 20th century is reducing human dependency on technology. The reasons of my opinion is elucidated below in my writing. Firstly. Technology is ruling today’s world and made human its slave. People today depend on machines and automatic tools for performing every task, which has impacted their ability of performing task manually. For an instance - A students that is using laptop for writing his research will write it proficiently by using the specific software, which corrects spelling and other grammatical errors. The same student would be not efficient enough to write his research on paper manually. Besides the chances of his committing grammatical errors would be comparatively more. In the same context, if student will practice writing his paper or research manually he would learn various spellings and grammar. As a consequence of it, he would able to inscript his writing task without any error. Human should use technology for their convenience but not sapping his skills. Secondly, accelerating advancement of technology in 20th century has made human sluggish. Cars are used by almost every average person to commute to places, consumption of frozen food and fancy food culture is adopted by people, and lifts and escalators are used to walk inside the homes. This facilities has impacted human health significantly as a result of which several unprecedented diseases are springing. Effect of technological development is not limited till living being but it has shoved past its single area and drastically exceeded to impact our ecosystem. For an instance – Hi –tech machines are used in the factories that release abundance of carbon due to which world is facing weather fluctuation, global warming is serious concern as well as many species are on the verge of extinction. God has created most spectacular and capable machine “Human” to manage this world therefore human must not harm his vigor by depending on his inventions and technology. Change is necessary to make the difference and improvement but it does not imply to make harmful changes. Human must not allow themselves to get trap by technology. Technologies has made certain things swift abreast produced several unsolvable issues. Therefore, to stop the dominance of technology on human, he must use it carefully.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has evolved
phenomenally
in 20th century from basic need of food, shelter and cloth to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and tools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has contributed in the developed of contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. As it
is said
“development is a continuous process, having mention that I would recommend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
yet
to
be made
in 20th century is reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The reasons of my opinion
is elucidated
below in my writing.

Firstly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is ruling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
its slave.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
depend on machines and automatic tools for performing every task, which has impacted their ability of performing task
manually
. For an instance
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "A student" or simply "students"?
A students
that is
using laptop for writing his research will write it
proficiently
by using the specific software, which corrects spelling and other grammatical errors. The same student would be not efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to write his research on paper
manually
.
Besides
the chances of his committing grammatical errors would be
comparatively
more. In the same context, if student will practice writing his paper or research
manually
he would learn various spellings and grammar. As a consequence of it, he
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
inscript
his writing task without any error.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for their convenience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not sapping his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Secondly
, accelerating advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in 20th century has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
sluggish. Cars are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by almost every average person to commute to places, consumption of frozen food and fancy food culture
is adopted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and lifts and escalators are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to walk inside the homes.
Did you mean "these"?
This
facilities
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
impacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health
significantly
as a result
of which several unprecedented diseases are springing. Effect of technological development is not limited till living being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has shoved past its single area and
drastically
exceeded to impact our ecosystem. For an instance
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Hi –tech machines are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the factories that release abundance of carbon due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is facing weather fluctuation, global warming is serious concern
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species are on the verge of extinction. God has created most spectacular and capable machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Human”
to manage this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not harm his vigor by depending on his inventions and technology.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the difference and improvement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not imply to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
harmful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trap by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "technology has".
Technologies has
made certain things swift abreast produced several unsolvable issues.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the dominance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
carefully
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The 20th Century saw great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be recommended about the 20th century? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
419 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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