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Working from home, some think as beneficial some people think it may distract the family routine. Discuss both views and what is your opinion? v.1

Working from home, some think as beneficial some people think it may distract the family routine. v. 1
Nowadays, the advancement of internet technology and computers have turned home into the office, so employees can perform their duties by sitting at an apartment. Many people assert that this is indeed helpful as it saves a lot time whereas others contradict this thought by arguing that the work from home is adversely disturbing other family members’ daily tasks. However, in my opinion, work from home is blissful. It has been witnessed that there are many advantages of working from home. First, the people do not require to drive car or bike through the congestion of vehicles; consequently, this saves at least a couple of hours which in fact could be utilized to focus on work at home. Second, car parking has been a major concern in recent times due to not only limited space availability for parking but also the burgeoning number of vehicles. And because of this, work from home is beneficial as it would solve parking constraint issues. Moreover, working at home allow the employees a greater amount of flexibility as compared to the company office; for example, it would allow them in adjusting the time-schedule according to their personal family work, whereas they must follow strict regulations at the corporate office which is strenuous sometimes. However, work from home also cause disturbance to the other members of their daily activities. For example, if the employee has some important meetings to attend via the internet, then he may need to speak aloud during the conversation with office staff; needless to say, but this would surely distract others. In addition, if the employee is working in a bedroom, then this would prevent other members to enter into the room. To put it in a nutshell, although the work from home disturb the family’s daily activities sometimes, I would say it is useful as its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays, the advancement of internet technology and computers have turned home into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can perform their duties by sitting at an apartment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that this is
indeed
helpful as it saves
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of time"?
a lot time
whereas others contradict this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by arguing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home is
adversely
disturbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
family members’ daily tasks.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home is blissful.

It has
been witnessed
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of working from home.
First
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not require
Did you mean "driving"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to drive
car or bike through the congestion of vehicles;
consequently
, this saves at least a couple of hours which in fact could
be utilized
to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home. Second, car parking has been a major concern in recent times due to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited space availability for parking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the burgeoning number of vehicles. And
because of this
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home is beneficial as it would solve parking constraint issues.
Moreover
, working at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
a greater amount of flexibility as compared to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
;
for example
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them in adjusting the time-schedule according to their personal family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, whereas they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow strict regulations at the corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
which is strenuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home
also
cause disturbance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of their daily activities.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
meetings to attend via the internet, then he may need to speak aloud during the conversation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
staff; needless to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this would
surely
distract others.
In addition
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is working in a bedroom, then this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members to enter into the room.

To put it in a nutshell, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home disturb the family’s daily activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, I would say it is useful as its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Working from home, some think as beneficial some people think it may distract the family routine. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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