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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do it. v.1

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do it. v. 1
In many countries some students take a year off after finishing their high school studies for travelling or working before they enroll in a university. In my perspective, this one year gap in between high school and university provides them more disadvantages than advantages. On the one hand, there are some merits for students who take a year off to travel or work between high school and university. Firstly, travel broadens the mind of your people. This might help them to gain valuable experience in their life. For example, students who travel to different places get a chance to mingle with different types of people and cultures and this may improve their knowledge and experience. Another positive outcome is that while traveling or working, young people could acquire maturity and this would help them perform well when they join the university. A final benefit is that young people will probably earn some money when they work before joining the university. This money can be used to pay their university fees. On the other hand, there are more drawbacks when students spend a year working or travelling before joking the university. The first one is that if young people decide to work, they might get used to receiving an income and because of this they will not want to come back to their student life anymore. The second one is that travelling is a expensive activity and students who travel a year requires a huge amount of money. This could be spent on university studies. What is more, most of the students are too young to travel by themselves and this might put them in more dangerous situations. For example, young students are not mature enough and they may get involved in illegal activities such as selling drugs and crime. In conclusion, although there are some advantages to travelling or working between high school and university, in my opinion, the disadvantages of this practice outweigh the advantages.
In
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many
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off after finishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
studies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they enroll in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. In my perspective, this one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap in between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
provides them more disadvantages than advantages.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
or work between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
broadens the mind of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to gain valuable experience in their life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to mingle with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and cultures and this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and experience. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome is that while traveling or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could acquire maturity and this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them perform well when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. A final benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
probably
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money when they work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
fees.

On the other hand
, there are more drawbacks when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. The
first
one is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to work, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to receiving an income and
because of this
they will not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life anymore. The second one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
expensive activity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
requires a huge amount of money. This could
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
studies.
What is more
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
by themselves and this might put them in more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not mature
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enough and
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in illegal activities such as selling drugs and crime.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, in my opinion, the disadvantages of this practice outweigh the advantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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