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(work with mistakes)Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn team work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

(work with mistakes)Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn team work. v. 1
Each and every creation of God requires a companion to live. Nowadays, many of the people are falling into depression due to the loneliness. This has become a dilemma in society, which have to be handled seriously. In this essay, let us discuss the problem arouse being alone and can find some remedies. First of all, the main victims of loneliness are elder people. The aged parents will be alone at the residence when others go for their works. As everyone is busy with their phones, the elders might feel lonely, even though everybody is under the same roof. All these can lead to melancholy and related health problems. Secondly, some group of people is facing sadness and abandonment due to any disease, which can be contagious. For example, some illness such as Alzheimer-a short term or long-term memory loss, skin diseases can keep the people as introverts or folks. Thirdly, the lonesomeness can create plenty of health problems such as anxiety, depression, fatigue, loss of appetite, so on. These can devastate that person’s mind, which can subsequently lead to the fatal suicidal thoughts. Furthermore, as per the recent survey by a US based research organisation, about 20% of US citizens are under desolation and the recent suicidal rates add points to the depression. In order to defeat the problems related to isolation, everybody has to hold their hands together. Arranging family get-together, spending at least 1 hour daily to listen elderly parents, eating together are some home remedies which can eliminate the sad feelings in elders at home. Visiting the person whom you find feeling abandoned, calling them, showing some patience to listen them, encouraging them, inviting them to home for a meeting or take them for out, enhancing social support, are some methods to evacuate this issue of the society, we live. We must all unite our efforts to break this vicious cycle that has major repercussions on our community. To conclude, there is a pair for every important part of our body. Everyone deserves a companion, whether it is an animal or a human. It is irrefutable that the seclusion can be a fatal complication in the society. Strong chains can be built only by joining small-small pieces. Likewise, be considerate, help those in trouble, thus can despoil the loneliness from the nature.
Each and every creation of God requires a companion to
live
. Nowadays,
many
of the
people
are falling into depression due to the loneliness. This has become a dilemma in society, which
have to
be handled
seriously
. In this essay,
let
us discuss the
problem
arouse being alone and can find
some
remedies.

First of all
, the main victims of loneliness are elder
people
. The aged parents will be alone at the residence when others go for their works. As everyone is busy with their phones, the elders might feel lonely,
even though
everybody is under the same roof. All these can lead to melancholy and related health
problems
.
Secondly
,
some
group of
people
is facing sadness and abandonment due to any disease, which can be contagious.
For example
,
some
illness such as Alzheimer-a short term or long-term memory loss, skin diseases can
keep
the
people
as introverts or folks.
Thirdly
, the lonesomeness can create
plenty
of health
problems
such as anxiety, depression, fatigue, loss of appetite,
so
on. These can devastate that person’s mind, which can
subsequently
lead to the fatal suicidal thoughts.
Furthermore
, as per the recent survey by a US based research
organisation
, about 20% of US citizens are under desolation and the recent suicidal rates
add
points to the depression.

In order to defeat the
problems
related to isolation, everybody
has to
hold their hands together. Arranging family
get
-together, spending at least 1 hour daily to listen elderly parents, eating together are
some
home remedies which can eliminate the sad feelings in elders at home. Visiting the person whom you find feeling abandoned, calling them, showing
some
patience to listen them, encouraging them, inviting them to home for a meeting or take them for out, enhancing social support, are
some
methods to evacuate this issue of the society, we
live
. We
must
all unite our efforts to break this vicious cycle that has major repercussions on our community.

To conclude
, there is a pair for every
important
part of our body. Everyone deserves a companion, whether it is an animal or a human. It is irrefutable that the seclusion can be a fatal complication in the society. Strong chains can
be built
only
by joining
small
-
small
pieces.
Likewise
, be considerate,
help
those in trouble,
thus
can despoil the loneliness from the nature.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay (work with mistakes)Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn team work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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