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Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn teamwork. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn teamwork. v. 1
It is argued whether doing sports activities helps children become competitive or develop teamwork sense of collaboration. I believe that sports teach them both things, and in this essay, it will be discussed why many sports stimulate the sense of competition or collaboration in children Sports competition is quite common, and people often enjoy it. Firstly, many sports are organised in hierarchic scales, telling people who are at the bottom ranks that they are not as good as those at the high levels. As a result, people who choose those sport such as martial arts or even football develop a sense of competition because by achieving high graded they will be proving your worth to themselves and their peers. A recent study revealed that 60% of school football players felt the highest satisfaction when they proved to be technically superior to other players. On the other hand, teamwork is fundamental to maintain a cheerful atmosphere and help a person progress. Children who play sports in a team or individually want to feel part of a group because it gives them a sense of purpose and they make them happier and more motivated. For example, if the team is constituted of 2 people, the teacher and the student, teamwork occurs, and only if there is collaboration between the parts progress can occur, cheering up the parts. For example, a recent survey has concluded people involved in sports activities were more 20% more likely to volunteer and therefore cooperate to help others. This was especially true for people who were involved in team sports such as volleyball or football. In conclusion, there is evidence that practising sport involves both competition and cooperation, even though some sports can be more based on competition or collaboration
It
is argued
whether doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children become competitive or develop teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collaboration
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teach them both things, and in this essay, it will
be discussed
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stimulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collaboration
in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children


Sports
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competition
is quite common, and
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
enjoy it.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
in hierarchic scales, telling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are at the bottom ranks that they are not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as those at the high levels.
As a result
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose those
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sport
such as martial arts or even football develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by achieving high graded they will be proving your worth to themselves and their peers. A recent study revealed that 60% of school football players felt the highest satisfaction when they proved to be
technically
superior to other players.

On the other hand
, teamwork is fundamental to maintain a cheerful atmosphere and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a person progress. Children
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who
play
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sports
in a team or
individually
want to feel part of a group
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
purpose and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier and more motivated.
For example
, if the team
is constituted
of 2
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people
, the teacher and the student, teamwork occurs, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if there is
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collaboration
between the parts progress can occur, cheering up the parts.
For example
, a recent survey has concluded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities were more 20% more likely to volunteer and
therefore
cooperate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others. This was
especially
true for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were involved
in team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as volleyball or football.

In conclusion
, there is evidence that
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
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sport
involves both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and cooperation,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be more based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collaboration
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn teamwork. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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