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Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn team work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn team work. v. 2
Some aver that sport develops in our progeny a desire to compete. At the same time, there are those who state that our offspring are taught how to be team players. Below both prospects will be discussed in details and author’s opinion will be stated. To begin with, for many people sport is embodiment of competition. In fact, almost all sports events are aimed to figure out who is the fastest, the strongest or the best at a particular activity. To illustrate, success of any country that takes part in Olympic Games is measured by a number of trophies and medals its athletes have won. Consequently, youngsters who play or do sports activities are faced with a necessity to achieve success via competition. However, there are those who tend to believe that those children who participate to athletic activities rather learn how to work in a team. Of course, there are some games such as football and baseball that are played by teams that consist of several people and those young people who play those games are by default have to learn how to work together. Moreover, taking closer look at any sport would reveal that there is always a place for some team work. For instance, even such a highly individualistic activity as running assumes that the athletes exercise with other sportsmen and work with a coach that help him to be prepared for an impending competition. Thus, a sports person acquires knowledge how to be a part of a team. Finally, it seems that any sport activity requires from the individuals who participate have a desire to compete and a skill of working in a team. Of course, different games demand a distinct proportion of both elements. For instance, box requires from the fighters to be more competitive while playing basketball call in for more team effort and less rivalry with each other. To sum up, sport as an activity, by definition, requires from those who play to be competitive and at the same time to know how to be a team player. The proportions of these qualities will differ from sport to sport but both will be always present.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
aver that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
develops in our progeny a desire to compete. At the same time, there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
state that our offspring
are taught
how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
players. Below both prospects will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and author’s opinion will
be stated
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is embodiment of competition. In fact, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are aimed
to figure out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is the fastest, the strongest or the best at a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. To illustrate, success of any country that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
is measured
by a number of trophies and medals its athletes have won.
Consequently
, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play or do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are faced
with a necessity to achieve success via competition.

However
, there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
tend to believe that those children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate to athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Of course
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as football and baseball that
are played
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
that consist of several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and those young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are by default
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together.
Moreover
, taking closer look at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
would reveal that there is always a place for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, even such a
highly
individualistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as running assumes that the athletes exercise with other sportsmen and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with a coach that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to
be prepared
for an impending competition.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person acquires knowledge how to be a part of a team.

Finally
, it seems that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
requires from the individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate have a desire to compete and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Of course
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
demand a distinct proportion of both elements.
For instance
, box requires from the fighters to be more competitive while playing basketball call in for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
effort and less rivalry with each other.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, by definition, requires from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play to be competitive and at the same time to know how to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
player. The proportions of these qualities will differ from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
both will be always present.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn team work. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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