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Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v.2

Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v. 2
Many people opine that women should concentrate on upbringing children instead of working because they are better in child care than men. I dissent with this opinion as women should not be forced to nurture their Children only. As a matter of fact, a child needs affection and caring of both parents as it is a role of both man and woman to raise their children; as a result, children can be nourished properly. For example, if both parents of the children will upbringing, their child while working, then they will learn gender equality. Further, in current times, both guardians are working and it is difficult for one parent to take responsibility of a child, hence, both female and male must maintain a balance between working and personal life by helping each other. For instance, famous personalities couples are usually working, so they also take care of their children as well. Admittedly, both genders have some qualities which must need to teach taught to their adolescents therefore children will become a good person in the future. Although female used to stay at homes to nurture their children, women are now in a senior level position in the offices that depicts women are not mere to up bring their infants. To conclude, I think both parents should raise their children by balance responsibilities. However, the myth that only females are responsible for nourishing their children proved wrong in the above analysis, which is a good step to stop gender discrimination.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should concentrate on upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
care than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. I dissent with this opinion as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not
be forced
to nurture their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

As a matter of fact, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
needs affection and caring of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as it is a role of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and woman to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be nourished
properly
.
For example
, if both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will upbringing, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, then they will learn gender equality.
Further
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times, both guardians are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and it is difficult for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to take responsibility of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
hence
, both female and male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
maintain a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and personal life by helping each other.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities couples are
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
also
take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
.

Admittedly
, both genders have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
qualities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
need to teach taught to their adolescents
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person in the future. Although female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to stay at homes to nurture their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in a senior level position in the offices that depicts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not mere to up bring their infants.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by balance responsibilities.
However
, the myth that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
females are responsible for nourishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
proved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in the above analysis, which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
step to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
gender discrimination.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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