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Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v.1

Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v. 1
There are some works which require dedication, patience, commitments, Such jobs are suitable for women. Some people assert that women are better at child care rather than men. Therefore they should indulge in household activities or taking care of children and give less importance in the work. Obviously I disagree with this statement for a large extent and stating my opinion on the below paragraphs To embark with, men and women have equal responsibilities in educating a kid. At present, both guardians are working and it is difficult for one parent to take responsibility of a child, hence, both female and male must maintain a balance between working and personal life by helping each other. Apart from that, parent's have some qualities which they need to teach their children, so that, it aids children to become a good person in the future Secondly, A kid needs the affection and caring of both father and mother. Although children getting a care from their parents, father makes the future of the child financially secure. If they do not get balanced parenting it will impact the children's personality. For instance, Fathers are usually more serious in punishing of their children than mothers, so they can control better their children to avoid crime. However Mothers have a closer sensational relationship with their offspring than fathers because of a better bonding between them and their children. Women usually spend more time with their children than men because, in many countries, they are usually less engaged in working. In conclusion, I believe that, no matter what the gender, both parents should provide a better environment for their children to blossom and maintain a balance even in working too.
There are
some
works which require dedication, patience, commitments, Such jobs are suitable for women.
Some
people
assert that women are
better
at child care
rather
than
men
.
Therefore
they should indulge in household activities or taking care of
children
and give less importance in the work.
Obviously
I disagree with this statement for a large extent and stating my opinion on the below
paragraphs


To embark with,
men
and women have equal responsibilities in educating a kid. At present, both guardians are working and it is difficult for one parent to take responsibility of a child,
hence
, both female and male
must
maintain a balance between working and personal life by helping each other. Apart from that, parent's have
some
qualities which they need to teach their
children
,
so
that, it aids
children
to become a
good
person in the future

Secondly
, A kid needs the affection and caring of both
father
and mother. Although
children
getting a care from their parents,
father
makes
the future of the child
financially
secure.
If
they do not
get
balanced parenting it will impact the children's personality.
For instance
,
Fathers
are
usually
more serious in punishing of their
children
than mothers,
so
they can control
better
their
children
to avoid crime.

However
Mothers have a closer sensational relationship with their offspring than
fathers
because
of a
better
bonding between them and their children.

Women
usually
spend more time with their
children
than
men
because
, in
many
countries, they are
usually
less engaged in working.

In conclusion
, I believe that, no matter what the gender, both parents should provide a
better
environment for their
children
to blossom and maintain a balance even in working too.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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IELTS essay Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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