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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement? v. 1
When discussing whether women should stay home and raise their children, rather than going to work, one should bear in mind the complexity of the issue. Although some believe that fathers have an equall responsibility in the child's education, I believe mothers are far more important, and should focus on rasing their children. In the following essya I will elaborate on my opinon and provide examples. The childs emotional bonding with his mother begins during pregnancy, and as a result mothers are much more attentive to the neonate's needs during his early years. Furthermore, activities such as breast feeding, hugging and sleeping together strengthen this relationship and the infant learns to trust his mother at a very young age. Consequently, females are substantially more important in rasing children rather than men. According to the New York Times, for example, children who grew up with a stay at home mother, had less emotional distress during high school years. This example illustrates the importance of maternal role in the childs education, and fact that in families where mothers are focused on the childs education, children have a better emotional balance. Another view in favour of my opinion, is that mothers are much more tollerant and less competative than men, making them ideal candidates for raising children. Unlike men, most of the women are less interested in professional development, higher salary and social success and are more devoted to the family needs and the childs wishes. Mother's for examples, would prefer to spend their time with their children in the garden, rather than going out to drink beer with friends. Also, mothers whould go to see the childs concert, on the expense of a working day. This shows that mothers are focused more on the child, and hence should take a greater part in the childs raising. In conclusion, the mother's bonding with the newboren, as well as its prefences in the family and not in personal development makes her an ideal role model to raise children. Because of this, I believe that mothers should focus on the childs education.
When discussing whether women should stay home and raise their
children
,
rather
than going to work, one should bear in mind the complexity of the issue. Although
some
believe that fathers have an
equall
responsibility in the child's
education
, I believe mothers are far more
important
, and should focus on
rasing
their
children
. In the following
essya
I will elaborate on my
opinon
and provide examples.

The
childs
emotional bonding with his
mother
begins
during pregnancy, and
as a result
mothers are much more attentive to the neonate's needs during his early years.
Furthermore
, activities such as
breast feeding
, hugging and sleeping together strengthen this relationship and the infant learns to trust his
mother
at a
very
young age.
Consequently
, females are
substantially
more
important
in
rasing
children
rather
than
men
. According to the New York Times,
for example
,
children
who grew up with a stay at home
mother
, had less emotional distress during high school years. This example illustrates the importance of maternal role in the
childs
education
, and fact that in families where mothers
are focused
on the
childs
education
,
children
have a better emotional balance.

Another view in
favour
of my opinion, is that mothers are much more
tollerant
and less
competative
than
men
, making them ideal candidates for raising
children
. Unlike
men
, most of the women are less interested in professional development, higher salary and social success and are more devoted to the family needs and the
childs wishes
. Mother's for examples, would prefer to spend their time with their
children
in the garden,
rather
than going out to drink beer with friends.
Also
, mothers
whould
go to
see
the
childs
concert, on the expense of a working day. This
shows
that mothers
are focused
more on the
child
, and
hence
should take a greater part in the
childs
raising.

In conclusion
, the mother's bonding with the
newboren
,
as well
as its
prefences
in the family and not in personal development
makes
her an ideal role model to raise
children
.
Because of this
, I believe that mothers should focus on the
childs
education
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes
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IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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