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In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. v.1

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. v. 1
Nowadays, people are paying attention about all related to skin care. In some countries exist a rentable business that sells popular whiten creams. People use them because of the skin's spots and other problems that the skin usually presents. However, this product can bring side effects if we do not buy a certificated brand. To commence with the causes, people are looking forward to improve their skin's health, and the way that it looks. The use of sunscreen is not that common, and humans are exposed to the sun without enough protection in plenty of cases. That generates sun spots, especially in the skin of our face. Also, it is usual that people have redness in their skin in certain moments, such as stress periods. For that reason, everyone with these issues buy whiten creams and products, to solve and eradicate them. However, these creams can affect our skin and cause a lot of health issues. Consumers do not want to spend a lot of money, so they avoid buying the expensive brands, who are certificated in all instances. Indeed, they choose a cheaper product which was not tested for any health's organization. The effects that it brings are alergy, dry skin, itching and so on. In conclusion, modern society is interested in whiten products because of sports that the sun generates. Everybody must take care of their skin before these spots show up, using sun protection. Furthermore, cheap brands should be avoided because they are a detriment of our skin, which is a sensitive body area.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are paying attention about all related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
care. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries exist a rentable business that sells popular whiten creams.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the skin's spots and other problems that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
usually
presents.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
can bring side effects if we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a certificated brand.

To commence with the causes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are looking forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their skin's health, and the way that it looks. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of sunscreen is not that common, and humans
are exposed
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sun
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
protection in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of cases. That generates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sun
spots,
especially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
of our face.
Also
, it is usual that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have redness in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
in certain moments, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
periods. For that reason, everyone with these issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whiten creams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, to solve and eradicate them.

However
, these creams can affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
and cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health issues. Consumers do not want to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they avoid buying the expensive brands, who
are certificated
in all instances.
Indeed
, they choose a cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
for any health's organization. The effects that it brings are
Possible spelling mistake found.
alergy
, dry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
, itching and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, modern society
is interested
in whiten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of sports that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sun
generates. Everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
these spots
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sun
protection.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
brands should
be avoided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are a detriment of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
, which is a sensitive body area.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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